Apologies

Sorry, i'm over at my new blog and i've forgotten to tell most of you. I know that some of you left comments and asked for the new address but I didn't have emails for you or i've had a brain explosion and forgotten to tell you.

If i've missed you - I apologise - could you please email me (via my profile) and i'll get back to you ASAP with the new blog address. Alternately if i've commented on your blog with the name of "B" then you can link to my new blog through that profile.

thanks,
B

I'm going to a ball tomorrow night with everyone from work. All the girls at work have been crash dieting this week to fit into our dresses (yes, me included). It's been so easy cos I haven't been hungry, i've had a brilliant week and so far have lost a bit under 4kg. I know it will all go on as soon as I eat normal food but 'Project ball gown' worked. I've been having shakes for breakfast and lunch, fruit for morning tea, yoghurt for afternoon tea and a WW meal for dinner.

Back to normal healthy eating next week. No more shakes for me!!

I've re-opened my new blog for those who have the address. There will be more info on what's going on over there shortly. My life is just so topsy turvy right now, but i'm getting there, one day at a time. I think a night out tomorrow, dressing up and a few sherbets will do me the world of good.

Just have to remember my mantra: One Champagne, One Water .....

hehe

AWOL

I've been AWOL, sorry. Lot's going on and I have just been being a sad sack really.

My second blood test showed the levels going down (down to 3 now and was 16 at the start of the week). The doctor rang me today. I thought I was okay but after I spoke to her I got all upset again. Bloody hormones.

Our new bed got delivered today. We've chosen the carpet and lino and that should get laid in about three or four weeks. The house will look nicer once this is all done. Now I just have to convince my father to come and paint the loungeroom and kitchen for me in preparation for selling the house.

Counselling with dh on Thursday went well and we're both really happy with the outcome. We've made another appointment for 2 weeks and in the meantime we have 'homework' of having a weekly meeting with forethought about topics we want to discuss.

DS is currently watching Dora the Explorer - he loves it. We went to the video shop and hired it. I also got 'Kenny' and 'Kinky Boots'. Last night dh brought around Rocky Balboa (cheese plus and totally predictable - with all the flash backs they didn't have to do much filming for the new movie! haha) and some other movie I didn't get time to watch with Robert De Niro and Matt Damon maybe? Hmmm - obviously I just wasn't interested. I've been very tired and I now have a dreadful throat/head cold thing. When I wake up in the morning I can't talk for about an hour til my voice gets warmed up.

Today i've done all the washing, swept and hoovered, put the old bed out in the shed and hoovered underneath where the old bed was (dust bunnies plus), put all my clothes away, dusted, put all of DS's toys in the toy room, but haven't cleaned that up yet - it's a poo fight in there, washed the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, folded a heap of towels and linen and put them in the linen cupboard and this afternoon I had a nanna nap on my new bed. It's much higher than the old one and I feel like I need a seatbelt - just joking! But it is higher up.

Couldn't be bothered cooking dinner so DS and I had Red Rooster (DS calls it Cock the Rooster! hehe). I will do my groceries tomorrow so that I can have healthy food in the house for next week. I really need to start eating better and exercising. The treadmill is just collecting dust at the moment in the loungeroom. Come on Chris i'm sure you'll have something to say about that!!! hehehe.

I tried on the ballgown again today and it's a tighter fit than last week, the scales aren't up at all but I haven't been drinking much water, so i'm trying to fix that now. I couldn't even get the zip all the way up. Yikes.

I had a look at the DFO on Friday but they didn't have anything that either:

a) my boobs fit into, or
b) was in my price range

Bummer.

Blood test results

I need to have another blood test on Friday. The doctor said the level has gone down but it's not completely back to normal (which I guess would be zero) yet so they want to check it again.
I've been getting some pretty mean cramping this afternoon so i'm hoping that it's just from overeating or something. I'm still doing the cupboard/fridge stalking thing.

dh is taking DS to daycare tomorrow AND picking him up. I have a work thing tomorrow night, even though i'm on holidays. It's a trivia night with one of our clients so it should be fun. Especially with a few sherberts thrown in for good measure. I haven't seen anyone from work since I lost the baby so it will probably be more difficult for them than it is for me. I don't go back to work til next Monday. I'm not looking forward to it.

I have no idea what to wear. I would like to look fabulous but that could entail some shopping tomorrow - damn i'm SO upset about that! hehe NOT!!

Other than that i'm going to colour my hair tomorrow and maybe curl it in the afternoon. Do a lot of tidying up (oh ok Chris just a LITTLE bit of tidying up- don't want you yelling at me) and maybe treat myself to something nice at the shops. All in all should be a good day!!

I'm hoping for sunshine in the morning so that I can sit out the back and paint my toenails!!

You'll notice i've put my flickr badge back on the blog. I've added the photos from our recent holiday. It was a beautiful house. If anyone wants to check out the website. This place is definitely worth a visit.

www.taylorsbeach.com

Positive step 1 of 3

I went to the movies on my own. This is very brave for me, cos I don't do anything on my own. I hate being alone, it's my worst nightmare.

I'm very proud of myself. This proves to me that I can do things on my own and that I don't need someone else to prop me up. I don't even need to tell anyone else about it, except you guys of course - LMAO!!! :0)

I saw the new Harry Potter movie, it was bloody brilliant. I wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. You always miss heaps the first time you see a movie.

As for the psychic, I know a lot of people don't believe in them, but I do. Apart from this one saying Jason and I were soulmates, she was pretty much on the money with everything else that has happened in our lives lately. I'm interested to hear what she has to say, but i'm keeping an open mind and will take everything with a grain of salt.

Oh and you'll notice i've updated my weight to it's current crapiness. I guess it could be a lot worse, i've only put on 2.2 kilos in the last 6 weeks and considering the pregnancy, the miscarriage and all the emotional eating i've been doing i'd say i've been pretty lucky on the weight front.

More later blogger buddies .....

Three Steps

I got this in an email from Jadey yesterday. It gave me a very strong message. I wanted to put it up here for you to read too but also for me to refer back to:

Three Steps:

If you're headed in a negative direction, getting back on track may seem hopelessly out of reach. Yet by taking just three steps you can completely change your prospects for the better.
Take one positive step, and you'll stop moving backwards. Take a second positive step, and you'll begin moving forward.
Then take the third step in a positive direction, and suddenly you've established real momentum. From that point, each successive positive effort comes more naturally and easily.
No matter how low you may be, at any point you are just three steps away from a whole different outlook. Just three small, positive actions can get you headed solidly in a new, empowering direction.
In addition, taking three positive steps will give you a real sense of commitment. These actions will get you quickly and firmly invested in your own success.
Wherever you are now, you are just three steps away from being well on your way to whatever goal you choose. Now is indeed the best time to act.
-- Ralph Marston

The bad and the good

bad thing number one:

dh bought DS a bike, he had to put it together himself. He didn't. I did. No surprises there. I was trying to put the brakes together and dh said he knew how to do it, so I scoffed and eventually let him try. The next day the brake line fell off the bike. I have now taken the bike to a bike shop to get fixed. Fuck knows how much it will cost me.

bad thing number two:

the doctor today told me I had to take it easy for the next week. How do I do that? I have a 3 year old and a filthy house. There will be no taking it easy. What do I hear you say - ask dh to help? ha ha ha ha ha - you are SO funny. I didn't even bother telling him what the doctor said, he's been so selfish lately he wouldn't care anyway.

bad thing number three:

I can't stop eating. I was supposed to start being good today and yet every 5 minutes I find myself standing at the fridge or the cupboard looking for something to eat. I need to stop - NOW!

bad thing number four:

one of the fish died today, well he wasn't actually dead but he was lying on his side having trouble breathing or gilling or whatever it's called. I had to dispose of it. I cried my eyes out. Thank god DS can't count yet. One down - three to go. Maybe I should just get rid of the damn fish tank.

good thing number one:

DS and I had the best day. Even though he was at daycare for most of it. He loved all the new stuff I bought him today. We had pasta for dinner and he ate all of it without a fight. I haven't yelled at him once. He got bathed and into his brand new spiderman jammies with no arguments and much peace in the household. There is no stress in the house tonight.

dh rang up and spoke to DS for a little while and I think DS is finally realising that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He was talking about "daddy living in another house". I'm sure that this will be a better life for him in the long run. As Dr Phil says: Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

I'm starting to feel a slight positiveness about this whole thing.

good thing number two:

I've decided to go to the movies tomorrow on my own. I've NEVER done this before. I hate doing stuff on my own. I've made the decision to go to the 9.30am session and i'm not changing my mind for anything. I can do this. I'm 40 years old and I don't care what people think anymore. I'm sure plenty of other people go on their own. I guess the hardest part will be when something incredible happens in the movie and I want to turn around and share a look of shock or wonder and there will be no-one there to share it with. I'll let you know how that goes.

good thing number three:

I have booked in to see a psychic tomorrow. This is the psychic that dh saw a few months ago who told dh that him and I were soul mates (what-EVER!!). It will be very interesting to hear what her take is on my side of the story. Obviously I am not telling her my surname or that i'm dh's wife. I told her my first name but dh saw her ages ago so I don't think she would put two and two together. Maybe I should have given a fake name? Yikes I didn't think of that. Anyway i'll update on how that goes tomorrow.

good thing number four:

The fish thing, even though I wanted to ring dh and tell him about it or text him and let him know what happened, I didn't. I was brave and I dealt with it by myself. I don't need dh in my life to help me with anything and if we do decide to separate permanently (he is currently living elsewhere for three months - 3 weeks of which has passed already) then I need to prove to myself that I can cope on my own. I know I can do it - i'm a very strong person - I just need to prove it to myself and today was a victory for me. Albeit a small one.

Sum up:

So all in all a pretty even day bad/good wise. Hopefully the days will start turning more positive and less negative. I didn't have time to get on the treadmill today, but i'm hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon after the psychic visit and before dh comes over to drop DS off from picking him up at daycare. I also want to put a colour in my hair. I bought dark brown again. I thought about getting all my hair chopped off but I would regret it, so i'll just colour it instead.

Update

I went to the doctor today. I made the appointment a few weeks ago as I needed to get a referral to my Ob/Gyn. Obviously I don't need that since the miscarriage but I wanted to go and see the doc and make sure everything is ok. She sent me for a blood test to get the HCG level measured and make sure it was going down. If the bleeding doesn't slow down soon or I get any worse pain then I need to go and have an ultrasound, but we're leaving that for now.

I get the results of the blood test tomorrow.

The lady who did my blood test was very obviously pregnant and it made me cry all over again. There are pregnant women everywhere I look. I know it's not any of their fault, but it still makes me sad. I'm sure that's difficult for people who haven't miscarried to understand. The hurt lasts for a long time.

Anyhoo, I took Kathryn's advice and went and partook (is that a word?? hehe) in some retail therapy. Mostly I bought stuff for the "small and very cute one" but I got myself a red fleecy jacket cos i've been freezing my arse off cos I only have a navy blue fleecy with a hood and it's not always appropriate to wear navy (ie - with black - navy and black are a 'no-go' zone - same as denim and denim). Yes, I'm a representative of the Fashion Police incase anyone was wondering. There's nothing I enjoy more than going to a shopping centre, sitting down with a large skinny cap and checking out the public and what they're wearing for a lazy 30 mins or so.

dh and I were supposed to go and see the next Harry Potter movie today, but he disappointed me once again (that's been happening a lot in the last few days - long story), so I guess I might go and see it on my own tomorrow. He has his first session of counselling tomorrow on his own and then we have an appointment together on Thursday.

The pregnancy changed how I was thinking about our relationship but now that i've lost the baby i've really gone back to how I was thinking before, especially since dh is continually proving that I can't count on him for support and that poor little DS can't count on him either.

Anyway, i'm trying to keep an open mind until after the joint counselling on Thursday, until then I have plenty of housework to keep me busy.

More stuff that pisses me off .....

More stuff that pisses me off .....

People who say umb-a-rella - are they Homer Simpsonising - no cos I guess that would make it umba-ma-rella??

People who say 'your' when they mean 'you're' - this one REALLY annoys me. Example:
Your so funny.

Wrong people, so wrong.

What reminded me of this was a song on the radio - Under my Umb-a-rella - it's SO annoying - I had to turn the radio off.

I don't know who sings the song, or why she sings 'umb-a-rella' instead of umbrella - but it shits me to tears.

Other words that people mispronounce that annoy me:

Pasgetti (spaghetti)
Skellington (skeleton)
Brought (bought) example: I brought a new shirt at the market today.

Another thing that really annoys me is this new text language.

"U R Gr8. Do u wanna C me 2moz?"

I'm a bit of a grammar nazi and I just can't cope with the text lingo. How do you feel about it?

My new kick arse personal trainer

My new kick arse personal trainer is me - ( I can't afford a real one) and since I can't get to the gym anymore, this is how i'm going to spend time exercising:

I have a ball to go to on 28 July and a friend gave me a couple of dresses to try on. They are both way too small and look disgusting. I have two weeks to make them look better, much better.

Project "Drop a dress size" starts tomorrow..... I will take before and after shots but i'm not publishing them til I get results!

Decisions

How do you make life changing decisions in your world?

Do you make a list?

Do you 'weigh up' the pros and cons?

Do you ask for advice from family and friends?

Are you a glass half empty or glass half full person?

Do you have one person in your life who you consult or do you have many?

Tell me all .....

A new day

My little DS nearly came to grief in the bathroom last night when the cabinet he was getting the bubble bath out of collapsed on him and all the glass candles and bottles fell and crashed into a million pieces around him.

I was so scared when it happened. I saw it all in slow motion but I couldn't stop it. I picked him up and got him out of the way just in time for the cabinet to crash into my shoulder and not get him at all.

He's a very lucky little man.

My candles and bottles aren't in very good shape though. The ones that survived (not many) are now on the window ledge from which they cannot fall.

As if I don't have enough do deal with in my life right now. This is just one more thing to add to the list of things that have pissed me off this week.

I guess blogging this isn't really the way I want to tell people but for now it's all I can bring myself to do.

I lost my baby last night. Words can't even express how sad i'm feeling right now and 'very sad' sure doesn't cut it.

I know this means that it wasn't meant to be and that it's for the best, believe me, us people who have had miscarriages before know all the lines, but I can't for the life of me work out why - after everything i've been through this year - fate or mother nature or "god" for those of you who believe in that being - would give me such a fantastic gift and then in a few short weeks, or what actually seems like the blink of an eye - take it away and leave me sadder and feeling more alone in this world than I have ever felt.

I know it was only early days and i'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone who has had or is currently going through any other form of miscarriage or still birth or loss of a child. All children are important in this world and each equally so. But this is my blog and this is about me, so i'm sharing how i'm feeling right now.

I can't think, I can't look to the future, I am numb. Today I can only grieve and try to block out all the nasty stuff that's happening in my life right now.

The last post

So, dh is moving out today. He's house sitting with a mate of his for about 3 months. This is good because it means we can work out what we're doing with the house before then. I'm pretty sure at this stage we'll be selling before Christmas even though dh is saying he doesn't want to do that. I just don't feel that I can rely on him to pay his share of the bills and mortgage. He has never been reliable and even though he says he will be now, going on past experience I can't trust anything he says. This is not just because we're separating but from 10 years of experience and knowing how he thinks.

We took DS to swimming this morning and dh wanted to start a fight there. Go figure. He says i'm being irrational and immature. PFFFT, whatever.

I'm starting a new blog as of tomorrow. I have a new email account with my stock standard return to the name I was born with (again). I'm sure the people at the RTA are going to think i'm mental.

I will keep checking the email I have now for a little while so that you guys can email me and i'll give you details of the new blog and email. If I have commented on your blogs today then you can link to the new blog and email from my comments (if it's the one without the photo). I'm going to take a new profile photo for my new blog. I haven't made an entry yet, i'm just setting it up ready to use.

The focus of the new blog probably won't be weightloss. It will be about the trials and tribulations of my life, which will include many and varied topics.

It's a sad day today, especially for little DS as he really has no idea of what is happening. I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get organised and into a routine. Although in saying that DS and I are off on holidays this Friday for a week. DH and I had booked a three bedroom waterfront mansion at Port Stephens for a week, we haven't had a holiday for ages and we were really looking forward to it. Now DS and I are going on our own. Then the weekend after that we have Christmas in July in the Blue Mountains with my Mum, her partner, my brother, his wife and their children. So we're pretty busy for the next couple of weeks anyway and all of this should keep our mind off the changes, hopefully.

I have to go and see the Family Assistance Office about a reduction in childcare and all the other "single mother" benefits. I think unfortunately that i'm probably just outside the dollar figure of getting any assistance whatsoever so it's probably going to be a waste of time, but I may aswell see what they say.

My weight is staying the same at the moment, i'm not too worried about it. Once we're into a better routine i'll start counting points again and get on that treadmill and work off some of this excess.

DS and I will be doing lots of walking on the beach while we're away, I might even take my pedometer if I can find it and make sure I do 10,000 steps a day.

Anyhoo, that's it for now. I probably won't get much of a chance to use the new blog until I get back from holidays (16th of July) so ..... until then .....

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish .....

Question

I feel like spoiling myself and doing something just for me.

The options are:

1. Get a tattoo.

2. Cut my hair off.

3. Have my belly button re-pierced.

Which option would you choose, and why?

There was never any doubt in my mind!!

Update

DH isn't moving yet. We need to make some decisions about what we're doing with the house. We're going to try and keep it, it may mean that he pays half of the mortgage but I have to pay half of his rent. Anyway, that option is cheaper than me paying the whole mortgage and it means I don't have to move. Then in a few years when we have some equity in the house we can split the profits or whatever. We haven't really worked out the nitty gritty details yet. I am still really busy at work and DH and I haven't had time to sit down and properly nut it all out. Right now we're just living in separate rooms but everything else is pretty much staying the same.
On the weight front I have maintained my lowest weight this year and weighed in this morning at 75.8. I can't believe after three weeks of not going to the gym and eating crap for every meal that I have actually maintained my lowest 2007 weight. Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's all the running up and down stairs I do at work. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have time to eat much (but when I do eat it's takeaway). I have started taking WW meals to work again so that I don't get tempted by the takeaway orders everyone else is putting in. I felt very righteous on Friday eating my canneloni when everyone else was having chicken schnitzel burgers with cheese bacon and sour cream!! I did have one Tim Tam though.
My Mum gave me a walking machine so I really want to set that up and start using it. I can't get to the gym at all (I have put my membership on hold but will try and cancel it next month) so I need to have something I can do at home now.
I don't think i'm going to make my goal of being in the 60's by the end of July but I should hopefully have conquered my 74.9 goal and well on my way to 72 kilos which will be 25 kilos lost, which is my next goal.
I'm not working this weekend and DH is going to a mate's house tonight, so DS and I have all weekend to ourselves. I really need to tidy the house up but i'm just feeling very drained and lazy, maybe i'll get into it tomorrow. Right now i'm still in my jammies just enjoying some time with DS (well not RIGHT now, cos RIGHT now i'm on the computer, but you know what I mean!!).
I need to venture out to the shops later to get some groceries cos i've got the Old Mother Hubbard thing going on in there.
At least the rain has eased up, maybe my swamp of a garden will get a chance to dry out soon.

A tough post

This is a tough post to write. Work has been very difficult for over a week now, claims are coming in like there's no tomorrow. We had more claims come in last week than we normally get in a year. I'm working very long hours, i'm stressed, tired and worn out. I gave myself a day off today because if I didn't I would be going into meltdown.

Apart from the nightmare i'm having at work dh and I have decided to separate. This is not a decision I have made lightly and long term readers of my blog will know that things have been far from perfect for a long time. He will be gone by tomorrow, i'm not sure where he's going or even what i'll be doing - I have so much on my plate right now and this is really bad timing, but in saying that I have thought about this from every angle and I have thought long and hard about the implications and have come to the conclusion that the only person that I can rely on is me, and that's how it has to be. I can give my son a good life - I get paid fairly well for what I do - although a payrise wouldn't go astray - and I won't stop dh from seeing DS but I don't know what i'll do when he's not around, my child is the absolute love of my life and I will be very lost without him. I'm hoping that won't happen too often as dh works most weekends and isn't able to travel all the way to the daycare that DS goes to everyday.

dh wants shared care but i'm not happy about that, I don't want to fight with him, I guess I just want him to agree to doing everything my way, which I realise is selfish but that's just how i'm feeling right now.

I probably won't be blogging for a while, I may even start a new blog for my new life as a single parent. Who knows. I haven't been commenting on or reading your blogs as when I get home I have to sort out my gorgeous little ds and i'm way too tired to get on the computer and I have no spare time at work right now.

So that's whats happening right now. As sad as it is, I think a new chapter in my life has just begun and i'm feeling eerily relieved. Like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I've given dh so many chances in the past and he's really blown it this time. I can't go around the same track again, I have to change direction and look after myself and my beautiful son.

I'm scared, i'm lonely and i'm very sad, but I have hope for the future and a happier life for all of us.

Ciao ...

A quickie

Off to bed, just got home from work. We are having horrific storms at the moment. Click here for info. Worked 9am til midnight on Friday, 7am til 9pm on Saturday, 6,30am til 8pm tonight. Shipped little DS off to Nanna's (2 hours north of here) so that I could go to work plus we have had no power for 3 days (it's back on just now). Just as well cos I was out of clean clothes and I was considering wearing a ball gown to work tomorrow cos it was just about all I had left in the cupboard (just kidding, sort of...... haha).

For those who don't know I work in the Insurance Industry for a firm of Loss Adjusters so we're very very busy and it doesn't look like easing up anytime soon, actually it will probably get a LOT worse before it gets better.

Needless to say my eating has been crap (whatever the bosses wife brings in for us to eat at the office) plus i've been having a couple of drinks every night to relax, plus no time for exercise. Hopefully i'll get back to the gym in about a week or so, everything crossed!

In the meantime, i'm gobsmacked that we have so much water going to waste when there are people out there who really could do with all this rain. In one suburb west of here there was 10 inches of rain in ONE night?!?!?! WTF?

One of our dams (Grahamstown Dam) has risen by half a metre, most dams and rivers are full to overflowing. Seems so sad when there are people out there who would give anything for a drop of rain.

This Newcastle storm has been declared a natural disaster and the worst storm in 100 years, some are saving "ever". There are many people who have had to leave their homes. The worst story I have heard so far is a family in my suburb who have a two storey home. They had to be rescued by BOAT and to get into the boat they had to walk off their first storey balcony into the water - that's how much water is around at the moment. Ridiculous huh?

Plus there is a coal loader ship which has come adrift from its anchor and been grounded on Nobbys beach - right on the beach.

More links here, here and here.

I will blog again when I can. In the meantime I will spare a thought for people who have lost their lives and their homes in this awful time and remember just how lucky I am.

Sick

DS and I have a very very bad stomach virus/bug thing. We are so very sick. We've had no sleep and are continually running to the loo. I doubt there will be any weight loss this week, I can't even keep water down. Actually i'm too scared to even have a drink of water.
No gym either.
Bummer, just when I was doing so well.

Speaks for itself really ...

Today's weight: 75.9

Woohoo

4 months of no smoking. Go me. I'm exstatic about that, even though i'm a little unhappy about other areas of my life. Now I need to work on the other areas.

Yesterday I had an improvised diet day. I had cereal for breakfast and forgot to take my lunch to work. We had a lunchtime meeting so I had 3/4 of a turkish bread with fetta, spinach and pumpkin. For dinner we had KFC. OOPS!!!! I didn't have any snacks or fruit and I only had about 600ml of water.

I really need to get back on track but i'm just so tired. I have no energy whatsoever. DS is waking up every night coughing and he's got a very bad cold. DH has a bad cold too and is snoring more than normal. I'm still going to the gym every day but it's hard to eat properly when you're tired. I really need to make the effort though cos I don't want all this hard work going to waste. I will do the groceries tonight. In the meantime i'm doing the best that I can.

yikes

Really bad day today, my eating has been shite and all over the place (even had hot chips for lunch) -SO stupid. I'm making a lamb roast (healthy version) for dinner and back onto the diet tomorrow. I went and visited my best friend today. She had a baby 9 weeks ago and i've only seen her once for 10 mins in the hospital. I realise how much I miss her and even though we're both very busy I really need to make more of an effort to go and see her.
I may be getting TOM again (this will be the third time in 4 weeks) as i'm feeling very emotional and could just burst into tears at any second.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a MUCH better day.

I love Saturdays.

Weight today 76.8 - so back to the same as last week. This diet has us on 1600 cals a day so they said to expect a gain or a stay the same on this level of calories. So the next 4 weeks should show losses of 0.5 to 1kg a week. My goal was to get back to 74.9 during this challenge so I have 1.9 to go and we have another 4 weeks, this means a loss of 500gm a week and I can make it!!

I should probably stop drinking the Cosmopolitans!!!

TFIF

My week:

Monday - severe case of Mondayitis. Weight up from eating so much - they said this would happen. Crap day.

Tuesday - appointment with the D&A counsellor (for DH) - then went to Spotlight and bought some wool. Good day.

Wednesday - had to go and set up a typist who is going to do work for us from home. Long day. Started off miserably when an officer of the constabulary pulled me aside for exceeding the speed limit. D'oh!! - shit day.

Thursday - Had to chase outstanding accounts. Spent half a day at the damn fax machine. Hate that. Another crap day. Bonus was that I got to buy myself a new toy. See if you can spot the difference in the photos below:

Friday: Had to do updates for Brokers on all our files. Haven't done this for about six months and it was a huge task but I got it just about finished and i'm very proud of myself. Now i'm rewarding myself with a few of these:

All in all a pretty good day!!!!!

Quick update

So, a quick update - we went to Sydney and met Chris and Stew - brilliant people. So friendly, and obviously happy to meet strange people!! It was a joy to spend time with them and we wished that we could have stayed longer. We hope that when they come back they will come and stay with us and we'll be able to get to know them even better.

The kids are lovely and very open to visitors too. Griffin and Brylee ended up using Jason as a human trampoline and they loved it. They were laughing there little heads off. Very very cute.

Griffen gave me two of his much loved Spiderman stickers and even gave me a drawing to bring home and pin on the fridge. I will post some photos when I get home tonight. I have so much to do and so little time at the moment.

CKK arrived just as we were about to leave which was sad, cos I would have loved to have stayed and had a longer chat with Chris and gotten to know CKK in person aswell. We will have to organise a Sydney Bloggers Meet so that we can catch up.

I had a semi-naughty day of eating yesterday but i'm back on track now. I went shopping with my Mum on Saturday and she bought me some new shoes (pictures to follow also) and then we went to Ikea yesterday (I love that place) and I bought some new cocktail glasses and made Cosmopolitans last night - yummo. They were a bit strong so I only had two but very very yummy!!

I didn't take any photos of Sydney cos we didn't quite make it to anywhere that was photo-worthy. I promise i'll take some next time I visit (in about a month) and post them for you all to look at.

Went to the gym this morning and I really struggled. I didn't sleep very well at Mums so I think i'm just tired. Have had TOM twice in three weeks though and that may have something to do with it. Not sure what's going on there.

Here is a photo of the small and very cute one, and the big one who is shrinking, at the park near my Mums house.

Sydney

I'm off to Sydney today. We are going to stay with my Mum but as a huge bonus i'm meeting Chris this afternoon. She is a cack, I love her honesty and 'no BS' style and she is an amazing lady who has kicked arse at this weight loss thing and has such a busy life. She proves that you can be busy as hell and still go to the gym and spend some time on yourself aswell.
I can't wait to meet her. I spoke to her on the phone last night and got a shock cos I forgot she would have an accent. I'm such a Chazza sometimes!! LOL.

... and on that note I must go and pack the camera, i'd hate to forget it. I will take some photos of Sydney for my overseas readers!

Weight this morning 76.8kg (168 pounds). That's a loss of 0.4 (nearly a pound) this week and 4.5 (10 pounds) in two weeks (start of the 6 week challenge). Very happy Jan!!

Update on the new eating plan.....

With this "6 week solution" diet we have a meeting every Monday night, i'm not learning anything new except that the lady running the show isn't able to answer many of the questions brought up by the group. We paid $99 for this so I would have thought they would be a bit more knowledgeable!! I already had the book so I could have done this on my own really, but I thought they would help us with more than "I don't know" answers. Anyway, I digress (no surprises there really!!).

This week we have gone up to 1600 cals a day (last week was 1200 cals a day) and so they've told us to excpect a weight gain...... bummer ..... just when I was doing so well.

Once again i'm feeling like this is too much food for me. I'll show you what i'm eating for an example.

Breakfast
1 x multigrain toast
2 tbspns grated mozerella
85 g ham
1 cup skim milk
1 x 200g diet yoghurt
4 x strawberries

Morning tea
1 cup grated carrot
95g tin tuna (I had salmon cos I hate tuna, but I did eat it last week *gag*)

Lunch
3 cups mixed greens
175 g ham
2 cooked egg whites
1 tbspn skim milk fetta
free salad dressing
1 cup capsicum

Afternoon tea
1 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup rockmelon

Dinner
150g diet mince
1/2 cup canned tomato
1/2 cup kidney beans
1/2 cup grated carrot
1 small onion
1/2 cup wholemeal pasta cooked

This food really really fills you up. I guess cos it's a lot of protein. I have only just finished my morning tea so I probably won't be eating my lunch until 3pm and then I have to fit in afternoon tea AND dinner!!

At least i'm not snacking when I get home in the afternoons this way, cos I usually have afternoon tea just before I go home, or sometimes when I get home. It's just such a struggle to eat all this food - and I thought I was a pig who could eat anything! LOL.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mums out there.

I have been especially good today and even though I haven't exercised today, my eating has been perfect so far. Although there is a Curly Wurly in the fridge that i've been saving for Mothers Day but I don't feel like it and I think I might get through today without touching it!

Yesterday I had a small indulgence though, a couple of glasses of the low joule champagne and half a McFlurry. Not too bad, could have been way worse.

This morning on the scales I was 77.4 so that low number is hanging around (not that i'm asking it to go away unless it wants to be replaced with an even lower number of course! haha).

I think I have to weigh in tomorrow at the gym so we'll see what kind of result I get there. Last time I weighed in there I was 79 so they didn't record that huge spike I had to 81.3 last week, pity cos I could have blitzed the damn competition for the first week with such a humungous loss!! hehe

Everything crossed that Bodie and TJ get voted out of the BB house tonight, i'm so over their immaturity and ridiculousness. Did you know that they had sex in the house??? Dirty little things!! I just found out today from reading some BB blogs/forums etc.

Freaky alien scales.

Ok so on Monday morning (remember TOM was here) I was 81.3 on the scales - if you're not sitting down you better do so - this morning I was 77.2. Yep, 77.2 .....

81.3 -

77.2

4.1

I think my scales are playing a trick on me. Nobody loses 4 kilos in five days - do they?
Either that or this is the best damned diet i've ever been on in my whole entire life.

Pink Rocks and I heart her !!!

Pink was awesome. If you have the chance to go and see her, make sure you go, she is an amazing, gorgeous, brilliant singer and is vibrant, funny and an honest person who stands up for what she believes in. I would definitely recommend that you go and see her if you can.

If I could afford it I would be going again tonight and on the 21st when she comes back.

She has the most awesome body - it made me work harder at the gym this morning!! Not that I will EVER EVER look that good. The costume changes were fabulous, she wears such great stuff and definitely has the body for it. She is HOT.

Back to the real world. This diet is going really well, it's a lot of protein and I am not feeling hungry on it. Infact, i'm struggling to eat everything on the list. Fingers crossed for a big lose this week, I will admit now that on Monday morning when I got on the scales I nearly died. I did have TOM with a vengeance and I think I hadn't had much water all weekend but the scales said 81.3 - WTF?????????? Awful, awful, awful.

This morning they said 78.4 - so thank god a bit more realistic and even showing a loss already. I have a monster headache and i'm sure that's caffeine withdrawal, not allowed any coffee, coke zero or diet coke on this diet - water or tea is it.

I'm currently eating my snack for the morning - 2 stalks of celery, 1 tblsp sultanas and 2 tblsp of 5% philly cheese. I thought it would be awful but it's actually quite nice. I'm not a fan of raw celery but it's crunchy and apparently negative calories and that has to be a good thing!

Later dudes ...

Update

OK a few things to tell you. Firstly, i'm sick (again/still) of being fat. I went to the gym 5 times last week - FIVE TIMES - can you believe it? I'm so proud of myself. I just wish my weight would move, more on that soon.

I promised pictures, I love seeing other people's - so here's a few for you.

The cane storage shelf thingies I bought ages ago for a bargain, to store things, of course there's nothing in them yet, but they look good!!

Next, my poor kitchen floor with no lino on it, and no kickboards. This will be fixed shortly, we're also getting new carpet, I can't wait. I don't like the dodgy grey "rental quality" carpet that we have now.

The bathroom cupboard that DS and I made together. This house doesn't have much storage and I think it looks pretty neat. Please, no comments about my filthy shower, i'm cleaning it tomorrow!!

My little DS, asleep in his cousin's bed (they are visiting just now). It seems i'm always putting pics on here of him sleeping. I had a request for a picture of him throwing a tantrum - i'll see what I can do!! haha

And finally, this is what the scales are saying at the moment. Hopefully by the end of this week, after i've been on Phase I of the "super six week solution" diet - i'll have a number which is lower!!

That's about it for now, I'm going to cook a lamb roast for my sister, her husband and her two gorgeous little kiddie winkles (DS's cousins). I will try and get some more photos and update tomorrow, which I will call "the heaviest day" cos it's all downhill from here!!

Who's a lucky girl then?????

Guess who else i'm going to see????? NEXT WEEK!!!

PINK

Another week with no weight loss.

Not sure what i'm doing wrong. Well, actually I kind of know.

I "only" went to the gym three times last week. Not so long ago going to the gym three times in one week would have been an outstanding effort, now i'm upset with myself cos I wussed out on Thurday with a sore throat and sinus (it was pretty bad) and I couldn't be bothered dragging my sorry arse out of bed.

My weight is the same as it was at my first official Curves weigh in (79). It goes down and nearly gets to 78 neat and then jumps back up again. I'm not sure why, except that i'm struggling to drink water at the moment (oh okay and my eating has slipped a bit).

I need to pull my finger out and get skinnier otherwise somebody in blog land is getting my Gwen Stefani ticket!!! (** see disclaimer below).

So, today is THREE MONTHS since I gave up smoking. Who would have thunk it! It's been quite easy this time. I guess cos I really wanted to, so even if I haven't lost any weight yet (but I will) i'm pretty happy with maintaining while all that has been going on. Yay me (* gives self pat on back *).

So, some recent photos, for those who are interested:


We've been building block cities. I build one every night (sometimes DH does it) and DS knocks it down on the morning. He loves it!!

This is my little ray of sunshine at a Maccas Birthday party today (about 10 minutes before he cracked the shits and I had to drag his scrawny little butt out of there and take him home, cos he decided to have a tantrum). He looks so angelic but believe me, it's all a put on!! If I had an extra hand I would have taken a photo of him when I was trying to force him into his car seat. He was doing that stiff body thing that 2 year olds love to do so much, whilst trying to scratch my eyes out and kick every part of my body at once. That would have been a good photo for his 21st album!!

Anyhoo, at Curves they have what they call a "6 week solution" programme which is about weight loss. It starts on Monday 7th and goes for 7 weeks (I know that doesn't make sense but who am I to question their intelligence!!). The first night is an information session. It costs $99 over and above what I already pay but it's cheaper than WW. I just feel like I need some supervision at the moment and any help is good help. In the brochure it says "you'll learn a safe and effective weight management programme for life". They track my progress weekly and give me a personal chart. It can't hurt I guess. I always apply WW points principals to meals anyway and although i'm not eating too much of the wrong thing I could do with some strict guidelines for a while to kick start my weight loss again. Oh and i've been having issues with portion sizes lately too, going to the gym just makes me so hungry.

Has anyone out there done this programme? I would love to hear your thoughts.

The only other news from my world is that we had a bit of drama at home recently. I came home from work a few weeks ago and the house was flooded. We put in a claim and we are lucky enough to be getting some of the damaged contents replaced. Thank goodness for Insurance. I don't understand why some people just don't bother with it.

Okay, I had better go and tidy up a bit. Hope you're all having a great week. Hopefully my good work at the gym will pay off soon and a whole heap of weight will drop off me!! I'm so sick of feeling fat.

** I probably won't really give away my ticket, but i'm trying to trick myself into losing weight so that I don't have to!! hahaha

No surprises here really ... (thanks Wanna)

You Are 80% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it.While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

Are You A Control Freak?

At last.....

I have my home computer back up and running again. Look out cos that means i'll be checking up on you all over the coming week!!

Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

The Polar F11 - not much change from $300 so it better be worth it. I think i'll have to get a pilot's licence to figure out how to work the damn thing. If anybody out there knows stuff about them, please help me!

Nearly there

We're nearly at the end of another week, the time is just flying by so quickly - maybe it's cos i'm over the hill now, but it feels like it was just Christmas a couple of weeks ago and now it's nearly May!! WTF??

I have been to the gym 4 times this week already and i'm going again tomorrow. I'll leave weekends for housework and shopping at this stage, although DH is off this weekend so I could go on Saturday morning, it's tempting. I'll see what time I wake up. We're going on a family shopping expedition on Saturday. I want to get a Heart rate monitor/watch thing. Any suggestions? We have some Westfield vouchers to use and I think there's a large sports store at the Westfield on the Central Coast so I might have a look there.

Eating has been good except for avoiding the lollie jar at work, i'm not having much luck with it this week. I am only having 2 or 3 lollies a day but they all add up. I'm going to try not to have any today. It's my own fault cos i'm the one who bought the lollies to go in the jar. Durr!!

My weight is steadily decreasing on the scales so i'm very thankful for that, I really thought I was going back up into the 80's there for a little while. Yikes.

On a 'pat on the back' note - I have been thinking for a while that I really should go and have a 'grease and oil change' at the doctors. There was a discussion about this on Mary's blog a while ago and i've been feeling guilty ever since then, so I finally went and did it yesterday. Yay me. It was nowhere near as bad as I remembered, although I haven't had one since my six week check-up after having DS so it's been a while!

OK, back to work now.

New week

New week = new attitude.

I'm not saying my attitude was bad last week but I had a few days where I didn't care what I ate, so I have to keep an eye on that. Back to tracking here and i'm trying to drink 3 litres of water a day. I had no trouble with this on Sat/Sun but i'm struggling today, although looking at my bottle i've had nearly half already so i'm actually doing better than I thought.

Food has been great today so far. I bought a $20 fruit and veg box from a guy who comes around every week so we have enough fresh F&V for the week and we have a few things in the freezer I need to use up so I probably won't have to do groceries until the end of the week.

Scales are still being stubborn and have only come down a little (this morning's weight 78.8kg) after being 79.8 last week. Here's hoping the weight starts falling off me soon, especially if I do 4 x gym this week and track everything I eat.

Official weigh in No 1.

I had my first official weigh in and measurements at the gym this morning. I guess that means i've been a member for a month, wow that went quick.

Results:
Body fat has reduced by 2.5%
Measurements have decreased by 6cm overall

So, i've gained a kilo (on their scales as well) but they are saying that most people gain weight in their first month of going to the gym because you're gaining muscle. Personally I didn't think it happened that quickly but obviously it does.

On a lighter note, I shouted myself a new pair of shoes last night. They are the ones in the middle of this photo. Very cool and a bargain at $29.99.

Update

I didn't realise how long it had been since I had posted. So here is the week in review:

Went to Canberra, ate really well - made healthy choices where I could and even went out one day and bought fresh brown bread rolls, chicken and salad because the family were having pizza. I went for a walk around the lake near my sister's house on the Friday (over an hour) and did heaps of incidental exercise as well. I didn't snack too much and was very proud of my eating. Also got TTOTM while I was away so I figured I would have a good loss when I got home cos I always put on/take off a kilo at TTOTM time.

Got home and the scales told me i'd put on a kilo - PUT ON A KILO - What the????????????

I hate my scales.

I went back to the gym today and i'll go again tomorrow. I'm not giving up but it's just very depressing when you make an effort (and you normally wouldn't bother) and the scales still go the wrong way. Ho hum .....

On the bright side - looks like I might be getting my computer at home back soon. Cross everything you can for me!!

A quickie

I still don't have a computer at home, there is just one problem after another with it. I'm hoping to getting it back next week otherwise i'll have to look at buying a new one.

I had a good loss of 0.8 this week and i'm very pleased with myself. My next goal is to get under 75 - but that has been my goal now for about 18 months so i'm still struggling with it. Once I get past this I think I will shoot ahead in leaps and bounds.

We are going to Canberra for Easter to see my family. I'm looking forward to having a break. We will probably be back home Sunday night, maybe Monday morning, depending on how we feel. I have Tuesday off work too so an extra long weekend

I have been to the gym three times this week and i'm going again tomorrow, i'm very proud of myself for keeping this up, usually i've quit by now.

Work is still busy.

I miss reading your blogs so much.

Hope you're all doing okay.

Please don't each too much chocolate over Easter!! and have a good long weekend!

It's bad, it's bad, it's really really bad .....

Got on the scales last week and saw that i'd put on even more weight. Got really cranky and instead of doing the right thing and continuing my good work I blew everything with a weekend of major junk food overload. You don't even want to know half the stuff I ate, it's so embarrassing.

Now this morning i'm even heavier than I was at the start of this year.
I'm fat.
I'm tired.
I'm exhausted.
I'm also angry, sad, disappointed with myself, pissed off and over it.

So, I started today with a weight of 79.2 kilos (so close to 80 kilos that it gave me a really big fright this morning), but i'm sure TTOTM is very close so that could be another reason for the gain. I still should be a lot lighter than this and I can't get over how i've let myself get back to nearly 80 kilos - i'm not very bright am I?? I can't believe I was 73.5 last year and I feel like i'll never get back there never mind get down to sixty anything point anything.

BUT ..... Today is a new day and I have started again (again, again, again, again, again).

To remind myself that i'm heading in the right direction here are the good things I have done this year:

1. I have finally given up smoking (2 months, 4 days and counting) and I don't miss it.
2. I have all but given up drinking and I don't miss that either.
3. I have joined the gym and I am loving it.

Now all I need to do is not give up on myself, keep up the good work, continue with 4 days a week of gym, decrease my food intake (including no more junk binges) and I know i'll get there eventually, I just need to have faith and keep going and remember that I am worth it. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen!!

I had a blowout yesterday and ate some lollies that I shouldn't have had, oops. Then had a burger and a couple of fish cocktail pieces for dinner cos I was over it and couldn't be bothered with anything healthy. It was just one of those days, but it could have been a lot worse so i'm not beating myself up about it.

Went to the gym again this morning. There was a lady there who only had one arm, when I first saw her I was wondering how she would cope with the arm machines but she did really well. She was wearing a poncho so no-one could notice that she was missing an arm, but it was pretty obvious. I guess that means it must have happened recently as opposed to her not having had it her whole life. I guess I figure she would be more comfortable with it if it was a birth defect or similar.

The other (stupid) thing I was wondering was how do they work out her goal weight or her BMI - do you deduct a percentage for not having one arm? How much would one arm weigh anyway? Or what about her body fat percentage - that little machine they use to record your body fat has to be held in both hands.

Yes I know that's probably the least of her worries and I shouldn't be so superficial but tell me you wouldn't think the same thing.

Went to the gym again this morning, i'm feeling stronger already. We have to take our heart rate every 8 minutes and at first mine was sky rocketing really quickly, now it's taking longer and I know what to do to slow it down. Geez who would have thought. Especially since today was only my 7th visit.

It's also nicer that it's not pitch darkness at 6am in the mornings now too, it makes such a difference to how I feel, although it was a little bit cold this morning, autumn is definitely here.

We are having a Council clean up in our area and DH put the old crappy treadmill out the front this morning while I was at the gym. By the time I was leaving for work it was gone. Good luck to whoever took it, it's very dodgy, the belt slips one minute and then gets stuck the next.

When DH gets down to 110 kilos we are going to hire a proper treadmill that we can run on. Yay, I can't wait. I keep watching Damien from the Biggest Loser running on that fabulous treadmill and thinking about how hard it must be, but if the Biggest Losers can do it then I can too, one step at a time.

I'm finding i'm really hungry on the days that I go to the gym. A lady I know suggested Musachi protein shakes. For some ridiculous reason I thought they would taste like meat (????) but they're quite nice and for only 1 WW Point each I reckon they are worth it. I have only tried Strawberry so far but I have chocolate today. They are also 99% fat free.

Photos

You can't really tell from these photos how blonde or not it is, i'll try and take some more tonight with my camera at home.

I can't believe that next week is April. That means we've been in our house for 12 months. Where does the time go?
I bought new gym shoes at the weekend. I've never had a decent pair before so I thought i'd shout myself. I had a couple of vouchers that I got for my birthday so I used one of those (Plus an extra $90). Crikey they're expensive!!
I got Brooks - don't know if they're good or bad - and I still don't have a computer at home so I couldn't email Kathryn and ask her (she's the expert when it comes to having an opinion about running shoes!! haha). So I just had to take a big fat scaredy cat chance.
I went to a store where they analyse your feet on a computer. Not sure whether its all just show but what they said made sense and these shoes are very very comfortable indeed. I just don't want to take them off.
I also bought some new gym gear - no, not the matching stuff - don't want to be known as a wanker!! hehe
Anyhoo, I had a weekend of spending cos I also bought a cupboard for the bathroom and some storage thingys for the loungeroom. Photos to be provided if/when I even get my computer back.
Oh yeah, and I had my hair dyed sort of blonde and all chopped off.
:0)

TGIF

I love Fridays and it's nearly time to go home. Yay!

Didn't go to the gym today as I was going to go this afternoon but DH didn't do the washing like I asked him to - I will have to go tomorrow morning but that's okay cos DH is off so it won't be a drama and the gym is open from 7am til 11am.

My weight is good, my tickers are correct at the moment and hopefully i'll be able to reduce the numbers by next week.

Still don't have a computer at home but i'm hoping to have something soon? Fingers crossed.

Have a great weekend everyone.

There ain't no hollaback girl

Guess who's got tickets to see Gwen Stefani??????

I have 17 weeks to lose 8.5 kilos - I MUST be in the 60's by the time I go (30 July) otherwise i'm giving away my ticket to whoever puts their hand up first. It has to be the 60's - I don't care if it's 60.1 or 69.9 - I will be there.

(In the case that I forget about this and lose my way (or weigh) please feel free to remind me, kick my arse, and do whatever needs be to get me back on track).

My weight has been so all over the place this year - I've been everywhere between 75 and 79 and back again. This could be the very thing that gets my mojo back and sees my in virgin fat territory before too long. Fingers (and everything else) crossed.

Thank you, thank you very much!!

Got to admit it's getting better

I went to the gym at 6am this morning. Wow, how unreal does it make you feel? It's better than taking drugs**

I feel unreal, I feel like I could kick arse at anything today. I really pushed myself. I feel great.
I don't feel skinny, but I feel like I will be soon. I have to keep this up. There must be something that kicks in when you exercise that makes you feel better and it's way better than the feeling you get when you eat something totally delicious and fabulous and, what's even better is that instead of feeling guilty afterwards like you do when you eat bad stuff, you feel on top of the world!!

I have to remember this the next time i'm thinking about eating something bad.

The ladies at the gym are SO nice. Even the ones who don't work there help you and tell you if you're doing something wrong on the machine. I love it there. For anyone out there like me who's not a gym fan at all, if there's a Curves near you - try it - it's brilliant and just right for anyone like me who's 'allergic' to exercise.

** (ahem ... not that i've ever done that - what I mean to say is It's better than I reckon any drug could make you feel!!).

Sheizer

So after feeling so good about the gym and planning to go back i've still only been once. I got sick and have been doing a lot of sleeping. I couldn't come to work yesterday and also couldn't get in to see the doctor.
Doctor's are bastards.
I slept in this morning til nearly 7.30am and have felt groggy all day.
Lack of sleep is a bastard.
Now it's raining sideways and I don't even want to walk out of the building.
Rain is a bastard.
I still don't have a computer at home.
Dead computers are bastards.
So now I have to go to the car, which is parked on the other side of the lot today cos when I got back from lunch someone had stolen my parking space.
People who steal parking spaces are ........ sons of bitches!

and that's enough complaining for one day, I have to turn this into a positive somehow and get out of this black hole I seem to be in at the moment. I know there are plenty of people who are worse off than me, but right now, it just seems like i'm drowning.

Curves

Brilliant, I love it, i'm going again tonight and maybe Saturday morning too if I can get in before DH goes to work. This is THE exercise for me!! Yay I finally found something I enjoy. The ladies are brilliant, down to earth and really supportive. Also I love the fact that there are no show ponies there and not a thong leotard in site (Do people even wear them anymore?).

Damn i'm unfit though, I can't wait until I can feel my strength improving.

We're having drinks at work this afternoon and one of the girls asked me if I wanted to continue on later and I told her yes but after I go to the gym. She looked at me like I was a martian!!

hehe

I still don't have a computer at home, boo hoo, hopefully i'll hear something soon.

Quick update

My computer hard drive is dead but hopefully my brother (IT expert extraordinaire!!) can recoup some of the stuff for me?? Everything is still crossed right?

I know you won't believe me but i'm joining Curves tonight, wish me luck!!

B

News

First of all want to say a big "Happy Birthday" to my beautiful friend Michelle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!!

She's probably trying to keep it quiet but i'm not!! Michelle has come so far with her weight loss and fitness it's incredible. She is an ispiration to a lot of people and especially to me. She has helped me through a lot of hard times and I owe her big time. Pop on over to her blog and say "hi" if you have time.

In other news my computer at home has died. May it rest in peace. I'm hoping it hasn't died so much that I can still get my photos off the hard drive. Everybody cross everything. It got a virus, a bad one, and I can't even re-boot the damn thing.

I'll be back to let you know more after i've taken it to the 'pooter' hospital. Until then, take care of yourselves and i'll be in touch as soon as I can.

Oh, and i've registered and paid for Healthy Booty Camp in Sydney with AJ Rochester - wish me luck for that, I think it's gonna kill me!!!
B

Yesterday

Yesterday I took the day off work. DH and I decided we would clean up the garage and get rid of some crud and let me tell you we kicked arse at this. The garage now has hardly any stuff in it and what is there is stuff we are likely to use. We got rid of heaps of things to the dump and we're very proud of ourselves. I also cleaned the house, properly, and tidied up heaps of stuff i've been wanting to tackle for a long time now.

It looks amazing. You don't realise how much you can get done without a 2 year old around!!

We're having my Mum's Partner's 60th here on Sunday so we went to Shindigs and got heaps of decorations and a balloon kit so we can put up helium balloons. I will take photos once we've decorated, it should look good.

Today we're cleaning up out the back for tomorrow and then going to my girlfriend's 40th this afternoon at Nobby's Surf Club. We got her a half day pass at Serenity Lodge for her birthday. I think she'll love it.

I'm not exercising but i'm doing so much incidental stuff I reckon I probably don't need to. Back to the exercise bike on Monday morning.

Ok that's enough

I haven't said anything about Biggest Loser this year, well you know that one thing about Sarah and her whingeing but everyone was thinking the same thing, but I can't stop myself tonight. I am so disgusted after seeing them all feeding their faces with junk. I felt sick to the stomach watching them put the food in their mouths. They didn't even look like they were enjoying it. Why did they do it????? Especially Munalita TWO MARS BARS??? that's nearly 2500 kilojoules. (11 points for us WW'ers).

She's reverted to her old habits and was only eating the chocolate for emotional reasons.

I know, who am I to talk. Seriously, if I was accepted onto Biggest Loser I wouldn't be fucking around eating 2500 kilojoules worth of crap - how long will it take her to work that off - and how pissed off is Michelle going to be tomorrow??????

idiots .....

God if only I could see my own faults so clearly.

I'm tipping Greg to win if anyone is interested.

All that's left in any case, is exercising space (oh yeah)

Stats for today:

30 mins 11 kms 251 cals

Yesterday I ate 19 points (had 18 and then before I went to bed I decided I needed something chocolately and so I had a fat free hot chocolate drink). Stupid bloody Aunty Flo is here again so that's why I was cranky/depressed/moody at the weekend and feeling ready to chuck it all in. You would think now that i'm 40 i'd recognise the signs and work out what was going on. Stupid hormones!

It was really hard on the bike today, my legs started burning as soon as I got on but I perservered and I felt so good when I had finished. My bum is sore but I don't care. I keep thinking of that figure on the scales and focussing.

Isn't it funny how when you're on you're on and when you're off you're off and there's nothing you can do to force a switch to the on when you're off. Did that make sense to anyone except me? LOL.

I'm doing all I can - to have a better day

I didn't manage any exercise yesterday but I tracked my points (19) and drank 2 litres of water.
My goal this week was to stay on or under 20 points per day, drink at least 2 litres of water and do 15 mins of exercise.

I have just finished 30 mins on the exercise bike (to make up for not doing anything yesterday). I 'rode' 12 km and burnt 263 calories. My stats for the bike I think were better last time (15 mins, 7.5 km and 150 cals) going on that in 30 mins I should have done 15 km and burnt 300 cals, but this time I moved the little intensity thingy (yes that's a technical term!! hehe) up a notch and the calories don't burn any quicker just because the intensity is higher. At least they didn't seem to. I also put the intensity up to '4' for one whole song and that nearly killed me!! hehe

I nearly did a Bridget Jones when I got off the bike cos my legs were like jelly!

Must go and get ready for work now. I feel like i'm going to have a better day today cos I feel in control.

Some photos and pick the junk food

I tidied up the toys today, sometimes I wonder why I bother. Actually EVERY time I wonder why I bother. It doesn't take long before everything is thrown all over the room again!! haha

I also took photos of my fridge and pantry. I really need to clean them out or at least organise them a bit better, i'm not doing that yet, cos I have my lazy arsed hat on today, but I will do it soon and take comparison photos. Unfortunately there's no sexy young man in my fridge like some people have!! hehe

Spot the over priced high fat junk foods if you will!!

Warning - lots of swearing in this post.

If you have a weak constitution when it comes to swearing I advise you to close this blog right now and come back another day when i'm not so cranky.

OK, I just have to say i'm fucking-well pissed off today. I've been fairly good this week, and dinner on Friday night was taken with better options than I could have had. I know I (still) haven't exercised but my points this week have been good, i've increased my water intake to where it should be and i've kept to only one can of diet soft drink per day and i've hardly drank any alcohol for the last 5 weeks. I certainly ate better this week than the couple of weeks before that when I was giving myself the "i've given up smoking I can reward myself with food for a little while" speel.

So how is it that today when I got on the scales i'm fucking-well heavier than I was at the beginning of the year?????????????? What the fuck am I doing wrong???????????????

Feel free to use one of the following example comments in reply to this post, i've heard them all before, and I leave them for others too (no, i'm not being ungrateful - i'm just really pissed off today).

• hang in there - if you're doing the right thing you will show a loss eventually
• maybe it's fluid build up - i'm sure it will be gone by tomorrow
• don't be too hard on yourself - work is stressing you out and you need to give yourself a break
• are you getting your period (this especially pisses me off when DH asks this if i'm nagging him!!!!)
• hey you're a mother who works full-time, take it easy - you'll get there eventually
• look how far you've come, you're doing well, one day at a time
• insert your own version here...... or ..... you know - (cough cough) ahem ---- in the comments section!!!

Here are some points I would like to make to myself - and maybe i'll just ponder on these for a while and decide where I want to go.

1. Yes i'm stressed but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.
2. Yes i'm tired but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.
3. Yes i'm overworked but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.

I really need to work out whether I want this or not and take action. OK if I don't really want to lose weight why do I go to so much trouble 'pretending' that I am. I yo-yo up and down between 74 and 78 kilos but I don't ever go further than that. Well, there was that one time I got under 74 and then shit myself and put weight back on.

It's like I have some stone barrier at 75 kilos and I rarely get through it, and when I do I get scared and go back up the scales again.

What am I afraid of?

Do I want this enough?

What's stopping me?

..... and why the fuck haven't I stopped eating since I saw the big number on the scales this morning, shouldn't it have had the opposite effect and made me want to starve myself?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Edit: I've been reading Craig Harper's blog for a little while. He makes a lot of sense, plus he's pretty funny. Ijust went and had a read of some of his posts today after feeling so bad. I just ordered his book "Fattitude" and a couple of his other books about Food and Exercise. Hopefully reading them might spark me back into action. He seems to have such a realistic view to weight loss and life in general. I'll keep you posted.

Report on the dinner

Everyone else had "salad" which consisted of a huge amount of grated cheese, lettuce mix, chopped unripened tomato (blerch why do they do that??) and a lot of fatty dressing.

I had the pumpkin soup option - without the big dollop of sour cream.

For main I had the steak with jalapenos and tomato salsa - without the bacon and only a tiny amount of cheese melted on the top and baked sweet potato without the butter or cinnamon.

Good girl aren't I?

Now you're all waiting to hear about the brownie blast dessert thingy I bet. DH didn't order it - he was too full.

I did have a few drinks though, but since I rarely drink these days I let myself have them and i'm not worrying about it. We had a good night and even left DS with Nanna for an hour while we went to the club and made a donation (ie played the pokies!!).

As a side note - you don't realise how much clubs and pubs stink until you go there as a non-smoker - peeeeeyoooooooo!

This can't be true

I know you won't believe me, but i'm thinking about doing the Healthy Body Club Booty Camp with Ajay Rochester in Sydney on 28th of April.

What do you think?

Update

Sorry I haven't been updating much. Work is still really busy.
My eating has been much better, exercise is still pretty well non-existant.
Alcohol - zero since Saturday night and even then I didn't have many drinks.
I'm down to one day a week where I have alcohol now and i'm having minimal.
It's DH's birthday tomorrow - we're going to Lone Star - it's close, it's cheap and it's kid friendly.

I will make an effort to avoid sharing DH's free Birthday Brownie Blast. Those things are to die for!

Must get back to work.
Ciao

yihar

Today it's four weeks since I gave up smoking.

Go me.

If only it was so easy to give up food.

Edit: Oh and I changed my ticker back. I really need to remember how far i've come.
Now i'm going to create a second mini-goal ticker for myself and that may remind me how far I have to go, but in tiny blocks. Who can't beat a tiny block?

Frustration

I've been frustrated all weekend because I haven't been able to get into Blogger. I think my internet security settings were too high or something??? I could read blogs but not comment, some I couldn't even read and if I clicked on any links in blogs (or on bloglines) my computer would freeze. I'm such a computer no-hoper I don't actually know how I fixed it, or even if it WAS anything I did, but i'm glad I can finally blog.





Motivation has sunk to an all time low, not sure why. I'm still very stressed at home and at work, which isn't good but there may be light at the end of the work tunnel, fingers crossed.





My sunburn has calmed down a fair bit and I think i'm onto peel number 3. I won't show you photos but you would be amazed at how much it has calmed down. Still red though, no tanning for this wee (figure of speech only) scottish lass!! hehe





My eating has been absolute shite this weekend, i've really let myself go. Back on the rails tomorrow, i'm even going to get up and exercise. My goal (which I thought was piss easy) of getting under 75kg by the end of February has been swept well and truly off the horizon. I'm giving myself now til the end of March to get under 75kg and really really i'm going to try this time and stop giving myself excuses.





I've been good today cleaning out the spare room, we had 12 months worth of "papers" in there and I have finally sorted them out. Now I just have to tackle the other 5 rooms and sort out the garage with DH's help. Thank god we don't have a very big house!! We haven't even been here for 12 months yet and i've already collected a heap of crap.





It's DH's birthday on Friday. I have bought him a new wallet. It's what he asked for. I will have to get him something else as well though. I bought him a JAG wallet from Ebay - supposedly BNIB but I guess we'll see when it gets here!





I'm really going to try and beat this lack of sleep thing this week. I have been awake with DS nearly every night this week and the nights he didn't wake up I woke up anyway worrying about work and stressing out to the max. It's really not good for me - it puts my motivation down to the lower levels and turns me into Ms I-dont'-give-a-stuff-about-anything. I don't want to be that person, I don't like her very much.





Oh and I nearly punched someone it the supermarket carpark yesterday but that's a story for another day when i've calmed down about it.





Hope you're all having a good weekend. My little DS had his first group swimming lesson this morning (up til now he's been having private 15 minute sessions). The group lesson goes for 30 mins and I think it must have really worn him out. He slept for nearly 4 hours this afternoon.

Busy busy bee

Work is busy, home is busy, I got to work at 6.30am this morning - i'm so tired. I couldn't sleep last night - went to bed at 11.30pm, woke up at midnight, got back to sleep about 3.30am - DS woke up at 4am and i've been awake ever since. I'm a bit stressed about stuff.
Need to get those positive vibes back.
Hope you've all stopped laughing about my sunburn by now, it's still a bit sore and i'm just waiting for the "lizard" phase. I promise I WON'T take photos of that! hehe

Ouchy

So this is what I get for finally getting off my butt and going for a big long two and a half hour walk. Exercise IS bad for me!!!!!

It was 9 o'clock in the morning for goodness sake. I'm just lucky that DS was in the stroller under shade and this didn't happen to him too!

So much for the pact ......

My weight

I'm glad to say that after yo-yoing up and down for the last week and a half my weight has finally stabilised back at 76.7 today. Thank goodness, I was getting a bit worried there for a while that I was well on my way back to 80 plus kilos although 'Aunty Flo' has been and gone, again so that doesn't help.

I've been so tired with work and everything else that's going on in my life that my eating has slipped and my exercise is typically non-existant.

Hopefully soon things will start to even out at work AND at home and i'll be able to get my head around getting back to normality. Things are never normal here though are they? There's always something going on to stress me out.

I received my DVD copy of "The Secret" in the mail yesterday. DH and I are going to sit down and watch it this weekend some time, probably Saturday night as he's working all weekend and doesn't have a day off until Friday week.

DH went to see a psychic on Monday. Holy guacamole - i'm a bit gob smacked about what she said, if it turns out to be true. More on that later.