I had a blowout yesterday and ate some lollies that I shouldn't have had, oops. Then had a burger and a couple of fish cocktail pieces for dinner cos I was over it and couldn't be bothered with anything healthy. It was just one of those days, but it could have been a lot worse so i'm not beating myself up about it.

Went to the gym again this morning. There was a lady there who only had one arm, when I first saw her I was wondering how she would cope with the arm machines but she did really well. She was wearing a poncho so no-one could notice that she was missing an arm, but it was pretty obvious. I guess that means it must have happened recently as opposed to her not having had it her whole life. I guess I figure she would be more comfortable with it if it was a birth defect or similar.

The other (stupid) thing I was wondering was how do they work out her goal weight or her BMI - do you deduct a percentage for not having one arm? How much would one arm weigh anyway? Or what about her body fat percentage - that little machine they use to record your body fat has to be held in both hands.

Yes I know that's probably the least of her worries and I shouldn't be so superficial but tell me you wouldn't think the same thing.

Went to the gym again this morning, i'm feeling stronger already. We have to take our heart rate every 8 minutes and at first mine was sky rocketing really quickly, now it's taking longer and I know what to do to slow it down. Geez who would have thought. Especially since today was only my 7th visit.

It's also nicer that it's not pitch darkness at 6am in the mornings now too, it makes such a difference to how I feel, although it was a little bit cold this morning, autumn is definitely here.

We are having a Council clean up in our area and DH put the old crappy treadmill out the front this morning while I was at the gym. By the time I was leaving for work it was gone. Good luck to whoever took it, it's very dodgy, the belt slips one minute and then gets stuck the next.

When DH gets down to 110 kilos we are going to hire a proper treadmill that we can run on. Yay, I can't wait. I keep watching Damien from the Biggest Loser running on that fabulous treadmill and thinking about how hard it must be, but if the Biggest Losers can do it then I can too, one step at a time.

I'm finding i'm really hungry on the days that I go to the gym. A lady I know suggested Musachi protein shakes. For some ridiculous reason I thought they would taste like meat (????) but they're quite nice and for only 1 WW Point each I reckon they are worth it. I have only tried Strawberry so far but I have chocolate today. They are also 99% fat free.

Photos

You can't really tell from these photos how blonde or not it is, i'll try and take some more tonight with my camera at home.

I can't believe that next week is April. That means we've been in our house for 12 months. Where does the time go?
I bought new gym shoes at the weekend. I've never had a decent pair before so I thought i'd shout myself. I had a couple of vouchers that I got for my birthday so I used one of those (Plus an extra $90). Crikey they're expensive!!
I got Brooks - don't know if they're good or bad - and I still don't have a computer at home so I couldn't email Kathryn and ask her (she's the expert when it comes to having an opinion about running shoes!! haha). So I just had to take a big fat scaredy cat chance.
I went to a store where they analyse your feet on a computer. Not sure whether its all just show but what they said made sense and these shoes are very very comfortable indeed. I just don't want to take them off.
I also bought some new gym gear - no, not the matching stuff - don't want to be known as a wanker!! hehe
Anyhoo, I had a weekend of spending cos I also bought a cupboard for the bathroom and some storage thingys for the loungeroom. Photos to be provided if/when I even get my computer back.
Oh yeah, and I had my hair dyed sort of blonde and all chopped off.
:0)

TGIF

I love Fridays and it's nearly time to go home. Yay!

Didn't go to the gym today as I was going to go this afternoon but DH didn't do the washing like I asked him to - I will have to go tomorrow morning but that's okay cos DH is off so it won't be a drama and the gym is open from 7am til 11am.

My weight is good, my tickers are correct at the moment and hopefully i'll be able to reduce the numbers by next week.

Still don't have a computer at home but i'm hoping to have something soon? Fingers crossed.

Have a great weekend everyone.

There ain't no hollaback girl

Guess who's got tickets to see Gwen Stefani??????

I have 17 weeks to lose 8.5 kilos - I MUST be in the 60's by the time I go (30 July) otherwise i'm giving away my ticket to whoever puts their hand up first. It has to be the 60's - I don't care if it's 60.1 or 69.9 - I will be there.

(In the case that I forget about this and lose my way (or weigh) please feel free to remind me, kick my arse, and do whatever needs be to get me back on track).

My weight has been so all over the place this year - I've been everywhere between 75 and 79 and back again. This could be the very thing that gets my mojo back and sees my in virgin fat territory before too long. Fingers (and everything else) crossed.

Thank you, thank you very much!!

Got to admit it's getting better

I went to the gym at 6am this morning. Wow, how unreal does it make you feel? It's better than taking drugs**

I feel unreal, I feel like I could kick arse at anything today. I really pushed myself. I feel great.
I don't feel skinny, but I feel like I will be soon. I have to keep this up. There must be something that kicks in when you exercise that makes you feel better and it's way better than the feeling you get when you eat something totally delicious and fabulous and, what's even better is that instead of feeling guilty afterwards like you do when you eat bad stuff, you feel on top of the world!!

I have to remember this the next time i'm thinking about eating something bad.

The ladies at the gym are SO nice. Even the ones who don't work there help you and tell you if you're doing something wrong on the machine. I love it there. For anyone out there like me who's not a gym fan at all, if there's a Curves near you - try it - it's brilliant and just right for anyone like me who's 'allergic' to exercise.

** (ahem ... not that i've ever done that - what I mean to say is It's better than I reckon any drug could make you feel!!).

Sheizer

So after feeling so good about the gym and planning to go back i've still only been once. I got sick and have been doing a lot of sleeping. I couldn't come to work yesterday and also couldn't get in to see the doctor.
Doctor's are bastards.
I slept in this morning til nearly 7.30am and have felt groggy all day.
Lack of sleep is a bastard.
Now it's raining sideways and I don't even want to walk out of the building.
Rain is a bastard.
I still don't have a computer at home.
Dead computers are bastards.
So now I have to go to the car, which is parked on the other side of the lot today cos when I got back from lunch someone had stolen my parking space.
People who steal parking spaces are ........ sons of bitches!

and that's enough complaining for one day, I have to turn this into a positive somehow and get out of this black hole I seem to be in at the moment. I know there are plenty of people who are worse off than me, but right now, it just seems like i'm drowning.

Curves

Brilliant, I love it, i'm going again tonight and maybe Saturday morning too if I can get in before DH goes to work. This is THE exercise for me!! Yay I finally found something I enjoy. The ladies are brilliant, down to earth and really supportive. Also I love the fact that there are no show ponies there and not a thong leotard in site (Do people even wear them anymore?).

Damn i'm unfit though, I can't wait until I can feel my strength improving.

We're having drinks at work this afternoon and one of the girls asked me if I wanted to continue on later and I told her yes but after I go to the gym. She looked at me like I was a martian!!

hehe

I still don't have a computer at home, boo hoo, hopefully i'll hear something soon.

Quick update

My computer hard drive is dead but hopefully my brother (IT expert extraordinaire!!) can recoup some of the stuff for me?? Everything is still crossed right?

I know you won't believe me but i'm joining Curves tonight, wish me luck!!

B

News

First of all want to say a big "Happy Birthday" to my beautiful friend Michelle.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETIE!!!!

She's probably trying to keep it quiet but i'm not!! Michelle has come so far with her weight loss and fitness it's incredible. She is an ispiration to a lot of people and especially to me. She has helped me through a lot of hard times and I owe her big time. Pop on over to her blog and say "hi" if you have time.

In other news my computer at home has died. May it rest in peace. I'm hoping it hasn't died so much that I can still get my photos off the hard drive. Everybody cross everything. It got a virus, a bad one, and I can't even re-boot the damn thing.

I'll be back to let you know more after i've taken it to the 'pooter' hospital. Until then, take care of yourselves and i'll be in touch as soon as I can.

Oh, and i've registered and paid for Healthy Booty Camp in Sydney with AJ Rochester - wish me luck for that, I think it's gonna kill me!!!
B

Yesterday

Yesterday I took the day off work. DH and I decided we would clean up the garage and get rid of some crud and let me tell you we kicked arse at this. The garage now has hardly any stuff in it and what is there is stuff we are likely to use. We got rid of heaps of things to the dump and we're very proud of ourselves. I also cleaned the house, properly, and tidied up heaps of stuff i've been wanting to tackle for a long time now.

It looks amazing. You don't realise how much you can get done without a 2 year old around!!

We're having my Mum's Partner's 60th here on Sunday so we went to Shindigs and got heaps of decorations and a balloon kit so we can put up helium balloons. I will take photos once we've decorated, it should look good.

Today we're cleaning up out the back for tomorrow and then going to my girlfriend's 40th this afternoon at Nobby's Surf Club. We got her a half day pass at Serenity Lodge for her birthday. I think she'll love it.

I'm not exercising but i'm doing so much incidental stuff I reckon I probably don't need to. Back to the exercise bike on Monday morning.

Ok that's enough

I haven't said anything about Biggest Loser this year, well you know that one thing about Sarah and her whingeing but everyone was thinking the same thing, but I can't stop myself tonight. I am so disgusted after seeing them all feeding their faces with junk. I felt sick to the stomach watching them put the food in their mouths. They didn't even look like they were enjoying it. Why did they do it????? Especially Munalita TWO MARS BARS??? that's nearly 2500 kilojoules. (11 points for us WW'ers).

She's reverted to her old habits and was only eating the chocolate for emotional reasons.

I know, who am I to talk. Seriously, if I was accepted onto Biggest Loser I wouldn't be fucking around eating 2500 kilojoules worth of crap - how long will it take her to work that off - and how pissed off is Michelle going to be tomorrow??????

idiots .....

God if only I could see my own faults so clearly.

I'm tipping Greg to win if anyone is interested.

All that's left in any case, is exercising space (oh yeah)

Stats for today:

30 mins 11 kms 251 cals

Yesterday I ate 19 points (had 18 and then before I went to bed I decided I needed something chocolately and so I had a fat free hot chocolate drink). Stupid bloody Aunty Flo is here again so that's why I was cranky/depressed/moody at the weekend and feeling ready to chuck it all in. You would think now that i'm 40 i'd recognise the signs and work out what was going on. Stupid hormones!

It was really hard on the bike today, my legs started burning as soon as I got on but I perservered and I felt so good when I had finished. My bum is sore but I don't care. I keep thinking of that figure on the scales and focussing.

Isn't it funny how when you're on you're on and when you're off you're off and there's nothing you can do to force a switch to the on when you're off. Did that make sense to anyone except me? LOL.

I'm doing all I can - to have a better day

I didn't manage any exercise yesterday but I tracked my points (19) and drank 2 litres of water.
My goal this week was to stay on or under 20 points per day, drink at least 2 litres of water and do 15 mins of exercise.

I have just finished 30 mins on the exercise bike (to make up for not doing anything yesterday). I 'rode' 12 km and burnt 263 calories. My stats for the bike I think were better last time (15 mins, 7.5 km and 150 cals) going on that in 30 mins I should have done 15 km and burnt 300 cals, but this time I moved the little intensity thingy (yes that's a technical term!! hehe) up a notch and the calories don't burn any quicker just because the intensity is higher. At least they didn't seem to. I also put the intensity up to '4' for one whole song and that nearly killed me!! hehe

I nearly did a Bridget Jones when I got off the bike cos my legs were like jelly!

Must go and get ready for work now. I feel like i'm going to have a better day today cos I feel in control.

Some photos and pick the junk food

I tidied up the toys today, sometimes I wonder why I bother. Actually EVERY time I wonder why I bother. It doesn't take long before everything is thrown all over the room again!! haha

I also took photos of my fridge and pantry. I really need to clean them out or at least organise them a bit better, i'm not doing that yet, cos I have my lazy arsed hat on today, but I will do it soon and take comparison photos. Unfortunately there's no sexy young man in my fridge like some people have!! hehe

Spot the over priced high fat junk foods if you will!!

Warning - lots of swearing in this post.

If you have a weak constitution when it comes to swearing I advise you to close this blog right now and come back another day when i'm not so cranky.

OK, I just have to say i'm fucking-well pissed off today. I've been fairly good this week, and dinner on Friday night was taken with better options than I could have had. I know I (still) haven't exercised but my points this week have been good, i've increased my water intake to where it should be and i've kept to only one can of diet soft drink per day and i've hardly drank any alcohol for the last 5 weeks. I certainly ate better this week than the couple of weeks before that when I was giving myself the "i've given up smoking I can reward myself with food for a little while" speel.

So how is it that today when I got on the scales i'm fucking-well heavier than I was at the beginning of the year?????????????? What the fuck am I doing wrong???????????????

Feel free to use one of the following example comments in reply to this post, i've heard them all before, and I leave them for others too (no, i'm not being ungrateful - i'm just really pissed off today).

• hang in there - if you're doing the right thing you will show a loss eventually
• maybe it's fluid build up - i'm sure it will be gone by tomorrow
• don't be too hard on yourself - work is stressing you out and you need to give yourself a break
• are you getting your period (this especially pisses me off when DH asks this if i'm nagging him!!!!)
• hey you're a mother who works full-time, take it easy - you'll get there eventually
• look how far you've come, you're doing well, one day at a time
• insert your own version here...... or ..... you know - (cough cough) ahem ---- in the comments section!!!

Here are some points I would like to make to myself - and maybe i'll just ponder on these for a while and decide where I want to go.

1. Yes i'm stressed but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.
2. Yes i'm tired but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.
3. Yes i'm overworked but how many more excuses am I going to make when really i'm just a fat lazy slob who can't be bothered getting of my arse.

I really need to work out whether I want this or not and take action. OK if I don't really want to lose weight why do I go to so much trouble 'pretending' that I am. I yo-yo up and down between 74 and 78 kilos but I don't ever go further than that. Well, there was that one time I got under 74 and then shit myself and put weight back on.

It's like I have some stone barrier at 75 kilos and I rarely get through it, and when I do I get scared and go back up the scales again.

What am I afraid of?

Do I want this enough?

What's stopping me?

..... and why the fuck haven't I stopped eating since I saw the big number on the scales this morning, shouldn't it have had the opposite effect and made me want to starve myself?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

Edit: I've been reading Craig Harper's blog for a little while. He makes a lot of sense, plus he's pretty funny. Ijust went and had a read of some of his posts today after feeling so bad. I just ordered his book "Fattitude" and a couple of his other books about Food and Exercise. Hopefully reading them might spark me back into action. He seems to have such a realistic view to weight loss and life in general. I'll keep you posted.

Report on the dinner

Everyone else had "salad" which consisted of a huge amount of grated cheese, lettuce mix, chopped unripened tomato (blerch why do they do that??) and a lot of fatty dressing.

I had the pumpkin soup option - without the big dollop of sour cream.

For main I had the steak with jalapenos and tomato salsa - without the bacon and only a tiny amount of cheese melted on the top and baked sweet potato without the butter or cinnamon.

Good girl aren't I?

Now you're all waiting to hear about the brownie blast dessert thingy I bet. DH didn't order it - he was too full.

I did have a few drinks though, but since I rarely drink these days I let myself have them and i'm not worrying about it. We had a good night and even left DS with Nanna for an hour while we went to the club and made a donation (ie played the pokies!!).

As a side note - you don't realise how much clubs and pubs stink until you go there as a non-smoker - peeeeeyoooooooo!

This can't be true

I know you won't believe me, but i'm thinking about doing the Healthy Body Club Booty Camp with Ajay Rochester in Sydney on 28th of April.

What do you think?

Update

Sorry I haven't been updating much. Work is still really busy.
My eating has been much better, exercise is still pretty well non-existant.
Alcohol - zero since Saturday night and even then I didn't have many drinks.
I'm down to one day a week where I have alcohol now and i'm having minimal.
It's DH's birthday tomorrow - we're going to Lone Star - it's close, it's cheap and it's kid friendly.

I will make an effort to avoid sharing DH's free Birthday Brownie Blast. Those things are to die for!

Must get back to work.
Ciao