I'm going to a ball tomorrow night with everyone from work. All the girls at work have been crash dieting this week to fit into our dresses (yes, me included). It's been so easy cos I haven't been hungry, i've had a brilliant week and so far have lost a bit under 4kg. I know it will all go on as soon as I eat normal food but 'Project ball gown' worked. I've been having shakes for breakfast and lunch, fruit for morning tea, yoghurt for afternoon tea and a WW meal for dinner.
Back to normal healthy eating next week. No more shakes for me!!
I've re-opened my new blog for those who have the address. There will be more info on what's going on over there shortly. My life is just so topsy turvy right now, but i'm getting there, one day at a time. I think a night out tomorrow, dressing up and a few sherbets will do me the world of good.
Just have to remember my mantra: One Champagne, One Water .....
hehe
My progress
Friday, July 27, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
AWOL
I've been AWOL, sorry. Lot's going on and I have just been being a sad sack really.
My second blood test showed the levels going down (down to 3 now and was 16 at the start of the week). The doctor rang me today. I thought I was okay but after I spoke to her I got all upset again. Bloody hormones.
Our new bed got delivered today. We've chosen the carpet and lino and that should get laid in about three or four weeks. The house will look nicer once this is all done. Now I just have to convince my father to come and paint the loungeroom and kitchen for me in preparation for selling the house.
Counselling with dh on Thursday went well and we're both really happy with the outcome. We've made another appointment for 2 weeks and in the meantime we have 'homework' of having a weekly meeting with forethought about topics we want to discuss.
DS is currently watching Dora the Explorer - he loves it. We went to the video shop and hired it. I also got 'Kenny' and 'Kinky Boots'. Last night dh brought around Rocky Balboa (cheese plus and totally predictable - with all the flash backs they didn't have to do much filming for the new movie! haha) and some other movie I didn't get time to watch with Robert De Niro and Matt Damon maybe? Hmmm - obviously I just wasn't interested. I've been very tired and I now have a dreadful throat/head cold thing. When I wake up in the morning I can't talk for about an hour til my voice gets warmed up.
Today i've done all the washing, swept and hoovered, put the old bed out in the shed and hoovered underneath where the old bed was (dust bunnies plus), put all my clothes away, dusted, put all of DS's toys in the toy room, but haven't cleaned that up yet - it's a poo fight in there, washed the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, folded a heap of towels and linen and put them in the linen cupboard and this afternoon I had a nanna nap on my new bed. It's much higher than the old one and I feel like I need a seatbelt - just joking! But it is higher up.
Couldn't be bothered cooking dinner so DS and I had Red Rooster (DS calls it Cock the Rooster! hehe). I will do my groceries tomorrow so that I can have healthy food in the house for next week. I really need to start eating better and exercising. The treadmill is just collecting dust at the moment in the loungeroom. Come on Chris i'm sure you'll have something to say about that!!! hehehe.
I tried on the ballgown again today and it's a tighter fit than last week, the scales aren't up at all but I haven't been drinking much water, so i'm trying to fix that now. I couldn't even get the zip all the way up. Yikes.
I had a look at the DFO on Friday but they didn't have anything that either:
a) my boobs fit into, or
b) was in my price range
Bummer.
My second blood test showed the levels going down (down to 3 now and was 16 at the start of the week). The doctor rang me today. I thought I was okay but after I spoke to her I got all upset again. Bloody hormones.
Our new bed got delivered today. We've chosen the carpet and lino and that should get laid in about three or four weeks. The house will look nicer once this is all done. Now I just have to convince my father to come and paint the loungeroom and kitchen for me in preparation for selling the house.
Counselling with dh on Thursday went well and we're both really happy with the outcome. We've made another appointment for 2 weeks and in the meantime we have 'homework' of having a weekly meeting with forethought about topics we want to discuss.
DS is currently watching Dora the Explorer - he loves it. We went to the video shop and hired it. I also got 'Kenny' and 'Kinky Boots'. Last night dh brought around Rocky Balboa (cheese plus and totally predictable - with all the flash backs they didn't have to do much filming for the new movie! haha) and some other movie I didn't get time to watch with Robert De Niro and Matt Damon maybe? Hmmm - obviously I just wasn't interested. I've been very tired and I now have a dreadful throat/head cold thing. When I wake up in the morning I can't talk for about an hour til my voice gets warmed up.
Today i've done all the washing, swept and hoovered, put the old bed out in the shed and hoovered underneath where the old bed was (dust bunnies plus), put all my clothes away, dusted, put all of DS's toys in the toy room, but haven't cleaned that up yet - it's a poo fight in there, washed the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, folded a heap of towels and linen and put them in the linen cupboard and this afternoon I had a nanna nap on my new bed. It's much higher than the old one and I feel like I need a seatbelt - just joking! But it is higher up.
Couldn't be bothered cooking dinner so DS and I had Red Rooster (DS calls it Cock the Rooster! hehe). I will do my groceries tomorrow so that I can have healthy food in the house for next week. I really need to start eating better and exercising. The treadmill is just collecting dust at the moment in the loungeroom. Come on Chris i'm sure you'll have something to say about that!!! hehehe.
I tried on the ballgown again today and it's a tighter fit than last week, the scales aren't up at all but I haven't been drinking much water, so i'm trying to fix that now. I couldn't even get the zip all the way up. Yikes.
I had a look at the DFO on Friday but they didn't have anything that either:
a) my boobs fit into, or
b) was in my price range
Bummer.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Blood test results
I need to have another blood test on Friday. The doctor said the level has gone down but it's not completely back to normal (which I guess would be zero) yet so they want to check it again.
I've been getting some pretty mean cramping this afternoon so i'm hoping that it's just from overeating or something. I'm still doing the cupboard/fridge stalking thing.
dh is taking DS to daycare tomorrow AND picking him up. I have a work thing tomorrow night, even though i'm on holidays. It's a trivia night with one of our clients so it should be fun. Especially with a few sherberts thrown in for good measure. I haven't seen anyone from work since I lost the baby so it will probably be more difficult for them than it is for me. I don't go back to work til next Monday. I'm not looking forward to it.
I have no idea what to wear. I would like to look fabulous but that could entail some shopping tomorrow - damn i'm SO upset about that! hehe NOT!!
Other than that i'm going to colour my hair tomorrow and maybe curl it in the afternoon. Do a lot of tidying up (oh ok Chris just a LITTLE bit of tidying up- don't want you yelling at me) and maybe treat myself to something nice at the shops. All in all should be a good day!!
I'm hoping for sunshine in the morning so that I can sit out the back and paint my toenails!!
You'll notice i've put my flickr badge back on the blog. I've added the photos from our recent holiday. It was a beautiful house. If anyone wants to check out the website. This place is definitely worth a visit.
www.taylorsbeach.com
I've been getting some pretty mean cramping this afternoon so i'm hoping that it's just from overeating or something. I'm still doing the cupboard/fridge stalking thing.
dh is taking DS to daycare tomorrow AND picking him up. I have a work thing tomorrow night, even though i'm on holidays. It's a trivia night with one of our clients so it should be fun. Especially with a few sherberts thrown in for good measure. I haven't seen anyone from work since I lost the baby so it will probably be more difficult for them than it is for me. I don't go back to work til next Monday. I'm not looking forward to it.
I have no idea what to wear. I would like to look fabulous but that could entail some shopping tomorrow - damn i'm SO upset about that! hehe NOT!!
Other than that i'm going to colour my hair tomorrow and maybe curl it in the afternoon. Do a lot of tidying up (oh ok Chris just a LITTLE bit of tidying up- don't want you yelling at me) and maybe treat myself to something nice at the shops. All in all should be a good day!!
I'm hoping for sunshine in the morning so that I can sit out the back and paint my toenails!!
You'll notice i've put my flickr badge back on the blog. I've added the photos from our recent holiday. It was a beautiful house. If anyone wants to check out the website. This place is definitely worth a visit.
www.taylorsbeach.com
Positive step 1 of 3
I went to the movies on my own. This is very brave for me, cos I don't do anything on my own. I hate being alone, it's my worst nightmare.
I'm very proud of myself. This proves to me that I can do things on my own and that I don't need someone else to prop me up. I don't even need to tell anyone else about it, except you guys of course - LMAO!!! :0)
I saw the new Harry Potter movie, it was bloody brilliant. I wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. You always miss heaps the first time you see a movie.
As for the psychic, I know a lot of people don't believe in them, but I do. Apart from this one saying Jason and I were soulmates, she was pretty much on the money with everything else that has happened in our lives lately. I'm interested to hear what she has to say, but i'm keeping an open mind and will take everything with a grain of salt.
Oh and you'll notice i've updated my weight to it's current crapiness. I guess it could be a lot worse, i've only put on 2.2 kilos in the last 6 weeks and considering the pregnancy, the miscarriage and all the emotional eating i've been doing i'd say i've been pretty lucky on the weight front.
More later blogger buddies .....
I'm very proud of myself. This proves to me that I can do things on my own and that I don't need someone else to prop me up. I don't even need to tell anyone else about it, except you guys of course - LMAO!!! :0)
I saw the new Harry Potter movie, it was bloody brilliant. I wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. You always miss heaps the first time you see a movie.
As for the psychic, I know a lot of people don't believe in them, but I do. Apart from this one saying Jason and I were soulmates, she was pretty much on the money with everything else that has happened in our lives lately. I'm interested to hear what she has to say, but i'm keeping an open mind and will take everything with a grain of salt.
Oh and you'll notice i've updated my weight to it's current crapiness. I guess it could be a lot worse, i've only put on 2.2 kilos in the last 6 weeks and considering the pregnancy, the miscarriage and all the emotional eating i've been doing i'd say i've been pretty lucky on the weight front.
More later blogger buddies .....
Three Steps
I got this in an email from Jadey yesterday. It gave me a very strong message. I wanted to put it up here for you to read too but also for me to refer back to:
Three Steps:
If you're headed in a negative direction, getting back on track may seem hopelessly out of reach. Yet by taking just three steps you can completely change your prospects for the better.
Take one positive step, and you'll stop moving backwards. Take a second positive step, and you'll begin moving forward.
Then take the third step in a positive direction, and suddenly you've established real momentum. From that point, each successive positive effort comes more naturally and easily.
No matter how low you may be, at any point you are just three steps away from a whole different outlook. Just three small, positive actions can get you headed solidly in a new, empowering direction.
In addition, taking three positive steps will give you a real sense of commitment. These actions will get you quickly and firmly invested in your own success.
Wherever you are now, you are just three steps away from being well on your way to whatever goal you choose. Now is indeed the best time to act.
-- Ralph Marston
Three Steps:
If you're headed in a negative direction, getting back on track may seem hopelessly out of reach. Yet by taking just three steps you can completely change your prospects for the better.
Take one positive step, and you'll stop moving backwards. Take a second positive step, and you'll begin moving forward.
Then take the third step in a positive direction, and suddenly you've established real momentum. From that point, each successive positive effort comes more naturally and easily.
No matter how low you may be, at any point you are just three steps away from a whole different outlook. Just three small, positive actions can get you headed solidly in a new, empowering direction.
In addition, taking three positive steps will give you a real sense of commitment. These actions will get you quickly and firmly invested in your own success.
Wherever you are now, you are just three steps away from being well on your way to whatever goal you choose. Now is indeed the best time to act.
-- Ralph Marston
Monday, July 16, 2007
The bad and the good
bad thing number one:
dh bought DS a bike, he had to put it together himself. He didn't. I did. No surprises there. I was trying to put the brakes together and dh said he knew how to do it, so I scoffed and eventually let him try. The next day the brake line fell off the bike. I have now taken the bike to a bike shop to get fixed. Fuck knows how much it will cost me.
bad thing number two:
the doctor today told me I had to take it easy for the next week. How do I do that? I have a 3 year old and a filthy house. There will be no taking it easy. What do I hear you say - ask dh to help? ha ha ha ha ha - you are SO funny. I didn't even bother telling him what the doctor said, he's been so selfish lately he wouldn't care anyway.
bad thing number three:
I can't stop eating. I was supposed to start being good today and yet every 5 minutes I find myself standing at the fridge or the cupboard looking for something to eat. I need to stop - NOW!
bad thing number four:
one of the fish died today, well he wasn't actually dead but he was lying on his side having trouble breathing or gilling or whatever it's called. I had to dispose of it. I cried my eyes out. Thank god DS can't count yet. One down - three to go. Maybe I should just get rid of the damn fish tank.
good thing number one:
DS and I had the best day. Even though he was at daycare for most of it. He loved all the new stuff I bought him today. We had pasta for dinner and he ate all of it without a fight. I haven't yelled at him once. He got bathed and into his brand new spiderman jammies with no arguments and much peace in the household. There is no stress in the house tonight.
dh rang up and spoke to DS for a little while and I think DS is finally realising that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He was talking about "daddy living in another house". I'm sure that this will be a better life for him in the long run. As Dr Phil says: Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I'm starting to feel a slight positiveness about this whole thing.
good thing number two:
I've decided to go to the movies tomorrow on my own. I've NEVER done this before. I hate doing stuff on my own. I've made the decision to go to the 9.30am session and i'm not changing my mind for anything. I can do this. I'm 40 years old and I don't care what people think anymore. I'm sure plenty of other people go on their own. I guess the hardest part will be when something incredible happens in the movie and I want to turn around and share a look of shock or wonder and there will be no-one there to share it with. I'll let you know how that goes.
good thing number three:
I have booked in to see a psychic tomorrow. This is the psychic that dh saw a few months ago who told dh that him and I were soul mates (what-EVER!!). It will be very interesting to hear what her take is on my side of the story. Obviously I am not telling her my surname or that i'm dh's wife. I told her my first name but dh saw her ages ago so I don't think she would put two and two together. Maybe I should have given a fake name? Yikes I didn't think of that. Anyway i'll update on how that goes tomorrow.
good thing number four:
The fish thing, even though I wanted to ring dh and tell him about it or text him and let him know what happened, I didn't. I was brave and I dealt with it by myself. I don't need dh in my life to help me with anything and if we do decide to separate permanently (he is currently living elsewhere for three months - 3 weeks of which has passed already) then I need to prove to myself that I can cope on my own. I know I can do it - i'm a very strong person - I just need to prove it to myself and today was a victory for me. Albeit a small one.
Sum up:
So all in all a pretty even day bad/good wise. Hopefully the days will start turning more positive and less negative. I didn't have time to get on the treadmill today, but i'm hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon after the psychic visit and before dh comes over to drop DS off from picking him up at daycare. I also want to put a colour in my hair. I bought dark brown again. I thought about getting all my hair chopped off but I would regret it, so i'll just colour it instead.
dh bought DS a bike, he had to put it together himself. He didn't. I did. No surprises there. I was trying to put the brakes together and dh said he knew how to do it, so I scoffed and eventually let him try. The next day the brake line fell off the bike. I have now taken the bike to a bike shop to get fixed. Fuck knows how much it will cost me.
bad thing number two:
the doctor today told me I had to take it easy for the next week. How do I do that? I have a 3 year old and a filthy house. There will be no taking it easy. What do I hear you say - ask dh to help? ha ha ha ha ha - you are SO funny. I didn't even bother telling him what the doctor said, he's been so selfish lately he wouldn't care anyway.
bad thing number three:
I can't stop eating. I was supposed to start being good today and yet every 5 minutes I find myself standing at the fridge or the cupboard looking for something to eat. I need to stop - NOW!
bad thing number four:
one of the fish died today, well he wasn't actually dead but he was lying on his side having trouble breathing or gilling or whatever it's called. I had to dispose of it. I cried my eyes out. Thank god DS can't count yet. One down - three to go. Maybe I should just get rid of the damn fish tank.
good thing number one:
DS and I had the best day. Even though he was at daycare for most of it. He loved all the new stuff I bought him today. We had pasta for dinner and he ate all of it without a fight. I haven't yelled at him once. He got bathed and into his brand new spiderman jammies with no arguments and much peace in the household. There is no stress in the house tonight.
dh rang up and spoke to DS for a little while and I think DS is finally realising that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He was talking about "daddy living in another house". I'm sure that this will be a better life for him in the long run. As Dr Phil says: Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I'm starting to feel a slight positiveness about this whole thing.
good thing number two:
I've decided to go to the movies tomorrow on my own. I've NEVER done this before. I hate doing stuff on my own. I've made the decision to go to the 9.30am session and i'm not changing my mind for anything. I can do this. I'm 40 years old and I don't care what people think anymore. I'm sure plenty of other people go on their own. I guess the hardest part will be when something incredible happens in the movie and I want to turn around and share a look of shock or wonder and there will be no-one there to share it with. I'll let you know how that goes.
good thing number three:
I have booked in to see a psychic tomorrow. This is the psychic that dh saw a few months ago who told dh that him and I were soul mates (what-EVER!!). It will be very interesting to hear what her take is on my side of the story. Obviously I am not telling her my surname or that i'm dh's wife. I told her my first name but dh saw her ages ago so I don't think she would put two and two together. Maybe I should have given a fake name? Yikes I didn't think of that. Anyway i'll update on how that goes tomorrow.
good thing number four:
The fish thing, even though I wanted to ring dh and tell him about it or text him and let him know what happened, I didn't. I was brave and I dealt with it by myself. I don't need dh in my life to help me with anything and if we do decide to separate permanently (he is currently living elsewhere for three months - 3 weeks of which has passed already) then I need to prove to myself that I can cope on my own. I know I can do it - i'm a very strong person - I just need to prove it to myself and today was a victory for me. Albeit a small one.
Sum up:
So all in all a pretty even day bad/good wise. Hopefully the days will start turning more positive and less negative. I didn't have time to get on the treadmill today, but i'm hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon after the psychic visit and before dh comes over to drop DS off from picking him up at daycare. I also want to put a colour in my hair. I bought dark brown again. I thought about getting all my hair chopped off but I would regret it, so i'll just colour it instead.
Update
I went to the doctor today. I made the appointment a few weeks ago as I needed to get a referral to my Ob/Gyn. Obviously I don't need that since the miscarriage but I wanted to go and see the doc and make sure everything is ok. She sent me for a blood test to get the HCG level measured and make sure it was going down. If the bleeding doesn't slow down soon or I get any worse pain then I need to go and have an ultrasound, but we're leaving that for now.
I get the results of the blood test tomorrow.
The lady who did my blood test was very obviously pregnant and it made me cry all over again. There are pregnant women everywhere I look. I know it's not any of their fault, but it still makes me sad. I'm sure that's difficult for people who haven't miscarried to understand. The hurt lasts for a long time.
Anyhoo, I took Kathryn's advice and went and partook (is that a word?? hehe) in some retail therapy. Mostly I bought stuff for the "small and very cute one" but I got myself a red fleecy jacket cos i've been freezing my arse off cos I only have a navy blue fleecy with a hood and it's not always appropriate to wear navy (ie - with black - navy and black are a 'no-go' zone - same as denim and denim). Yes, I'm a representative of the Fashion Police incase anyone was wondering. There's nothing I enjoy more than going to a shopping centre, sitting down with a large skinny cap and checking out the public and what they're wearing for a lazy 30 mins or so.
dh and I were supposed to go and see the next Harry Potter movie today, but he disappointed me once again (that's been happening a lot in the last few days - long story), so I guess I might go and see it on my own tomorrow. He has his first session of counselling tomorrow on his own and then we have an appointment together on Thursday.
The pregnancy changed how I was thinking about our relationship but now that i've lost the baby i've really gone back to how I was thinking before, especially since dh is continually proving that I can't count on him for support and that poor little DS can't count on him either.
Anyway, i'm trying to keep an open mind until after the joint counselling on Thursday, until then I have plenty of housework to keep me busy.
I get the results of the blood test tomorrow.
The lady who did my blood test was very obviously pregnant and it made me cry all over again. There are pregnant women everywhere I look. I know it's not any of their fault, but it still makes me sad. I'm sure that's difficult for people who haven't miscarried to understand. The hurt lasts for a long time.
Anyhoo, I took Kathryn's advice and went and partook (is that a word?? hehe) in some retail therapy. Mostly I bought stuff for the "small and very cute one" but I got myself a red fleecy jacket cos i've been freezing my arse off cos I only have a navy blue fleecy with a hood and it's not always appropriate to wear navy (ie - with black - navy and black are a 'no-go' zone - same as denim and denim). Yes, I'm a representative of the Fashion Police incase anyone was wondering. There's nothing I enjoy more than going to a shopping centre, sitting down with a large skinny cap and checking out the public and what they're wearing for a lazy 30 mins or so.
dh and I were supposed to go and see the next Harry Potter movie today, but he disappointed me once again (that's been happening a lot in the last few days - long story), so I guess I might go and see it on my own tomorrow. He has his first session of counselling tomorrow on his own and then we have an appointment together on Thursday.
The pregnancy changed how I was thinking about our relationship but now that i've lost the baby i've really gone back to how I was thinking before, especially since dh is continually proving that I can't count on him for support and that poor little DS can't count on him either.
Anyway, i'm trying to keep an open mind until after the joint counselling on Thursday, until then I have plenty of housework to keep me busy.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
More stuff that pisses me off .....
More stuff that pisses me off .....
People who say umb-a-rella - are they Homer Simpsonising - no cos I guess that would make it umba-ma-rella??
People who say 'your' when they mean 'you're' - this one REALLY annoys me. Example:
Your so funny.
Wrong people, so wrong.
What reminded me of this was a song on the radio - Under my Umb-a-rella - it's SO annoying - I had to turn the radio off.
I don't know who sings the song, or why she sings 'umb-a-rella' instead of umbrella - but it shits me to tears.
Other words that people mispronounce that annoy me:
Pasgetti (spaghetti)
Skellington (skeleton)
Brought (bought) example: I brought a new shirt at the market today.
Another thing that really annoys me is this new text language.
"U R Gr8. Do u wanna C me 2moz?"
I'm a bit of a grammar nazi and I just can't cope with the text lingo. How do you feel about it?
People who say umb-a-rella - are they Homer Simpsonising - no cos I guess that would make it umba-ma-rella??
People who say 'your' when they mean 'you're' - this one REALLY annoys me. Example:
Your so funny.
Wrong people, so wrong.
What reminded me of this was a song on the radio - Under my Umb-a-rella - it's SO annoying - I had to turn the radio off.
I don't know who sings the song, or why she sings 'umb-a-rella' instead of umbrella - but it shits me to tears.
Other words that people mispronounce that annoy me:
Pasgetti (spaghetti)
Skellington (skeleton)
Brought (bought) example: I brought a new shirt at the market today.
Another thing that really annoys me is this new text language.
"U R Gr8. Do u wanna C me 2moz?"
I'm a bit of a grammar nazi and I just can't cope with the text lingo. How do you feel about it?
My new kick arse personal trainer
My new kick arse personal trainer is me - ( I can't afford a real one) and since I can't get to the gym anymore, this is how i'm going to spend time exercising:
I have a ball to go to on 28 July and a friend gave me a couple of dresses to try on. They are both way too small and look disgusting. I have two weeks to make them look better, much better.
Project "Drop a dress size" starts tomorrow..... I will take before and after shots but i'm not publishing them til I get results!
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Decisions
How do you make life changing decisions in your world?
Do you make a list?
Do you 'weigh up' the pros and cons?
Do you ask for advice from family and friends?
Are you a glass half empty or glass half full person?
Do you have one person in your life who you consult or do you have many?
Tell me all .....
Do you make a list?
Do you 'weigh up' the pros and cons?
Do you ask for advice from family and friends?
Are you a glass half empty or glass half full person?
Do you have one person in your life who you consult or do you have many?
Tell me all .....
Friday, July 13, 2007
A new day
My little DS nearly came to grief in the bathroom last night when the cabinet he was getting the bubble bath out of collapsed on him and all the glass candles and bottles fell and crashed into a million pieces around him.
I was so scared when it happened. I saw it all in slow motion but I couldn't stop it. I picked him up and got him out of the way just in time for the cabinet to crash into my shoulder and not get him at all.
He's a very lucky little man.
My candles and bottles aren't in very good shape though. The ones that survived (not many) are now on the window ledge from which they cannot fall.
As if I don't have enough do deal with in my life right now. This is just one more thing to add to the list of things that have pissed me off this week.
I was so scared when it happened. I saw it all in slow motion but I couldn't stop it. I picked him up and got him out of the way just in time for the cabinet to crash into my shoulder and not get him at all.
He's a very lucky little man.
My candles and bottles aren't in very good shape though. The ones that survived (not many) are now on the window ledge from which they cannot fall.
As if I don't have enough do deal with in my life right now. This is just one more thing to add to the list of things that have pissed me off this week.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
I guess blogging this isn't really the way I want to tell people but for now it's all I can bring myself to do.
I lost my baby last night. Words can't even express how sad i'm feeling right now and 'very sad' sure doesn't cut it.
I know this means that it wasn't meant to be and that it's for the best, believe me, us people who have had miscarriages before know all the lines, but I can't for the life of me work out why - after everything i've been through this year - fate or mother nature or "god" for those of you who believe in that being - would give me such a fantastic gift and then in a few short weeks, or what actually seems like the blink of an eye - take it away and leave me sadder and feeling more alone in this world than I have ever felt.
I know it was only early days and i'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone who has had or is currently going through any other form of miscarriage or still birth or loss of a child. All children are important in this world and each equally so. But this is my blog and this is about me, so i'm sharing how i'm feeling right now.
I can't think, I can't look to the future, I am numb. Today I can only grieve and try to block out all the nasty stuff that's happening in my life right now.
I lost my baby last night. Words can't even express how sad i'm feeling right now and 'very sad' sure doesn't cut it.
I know this means that it wasn't meant to be and that it's for the best, believe me, us people who have had miscarriages before know all the lines, but I can't for the life of me work out why - after everything i've been through this year - fate or mother nature or "god" for those of you who believe in that being - would give me such a fantastic gift and then in a few short weeks, or what actually seems like the blink of an eye - take it away and leave me sadder and feeling more alone in this world than I have ever felt.
I know it was only early days and i'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone who has had or is currently going through any other form of miscarriage or still birth or loss of a child. All children are important in this world and each equally so. But this is my blog and this is about me, so i'm sharing how i'm feeling right now.
I can't think, I can't look to the future, I am numb. Today I can only grieve and try to block out all the nasty stuff that's happening in my life right now.
Sunday, July 1, 2007
The last post
So, dh is moving out today. He's house sitting with a mate of his for about 3 months. This is good because it means we can work out what we're doing with the house before then. I'm pretty sure at this stage we'll be selling before Christmas even though dh is saying he doesn't want to do that. I just don't feel that I can rely on him to pay his share of the bills and mortgage. He has never been reliable and even though he says he will be now, going on past experience I can't trust anything he says. This is not just because we're separating but from 10 years of experience and knowing how he thinks.
We took DS to swimming this morning and dh wanted to start a fight there. Go figure. He says i'm being irrational and immature. PFFFT, whatever.
I'm starting a new blog as of tomorrow. I have a new email account with my stock standard return to the name I was born with (again). I'm sure the people at the RTA are going to think i'm mental.
I will keep checking the email I have now for a little while so that you guys can email me and i'll give you details of the new blog and email. If I have commented on your blogs today then you can link to the new blog and email from my comments (if it's the one without the photo). I'm going to take a new profile photo for my new blog. I haven't made an entry yet, i'm just setting it up ready to use.
The focus of the new blog probably won't be weightloss. It will be about the trials and tribulations of my life, which will include many and varied topics.
It's a sad day today, especially for little DS as he really has no idea of what is happening. I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get organised and into a routine. Although in saying that DS and I are off on holidays this Friday for a week. DH and I had booked a three bedroom waterfront mansion at Port Stephens for a week, we haven't had a holiday for ages and we were really looking forward to it. Now DS and I are going on our own. Then the weekend after that we have Christmas in July in the Blue Mountains with my Mum, her partner, my brother, his wife and their children. So we're pretty busy for the next couple of weeks anyway and all of this should keep our mind off the changes, hopefully.
I have to go and see the Family Assistance Office about a reduction in childcare and all the other "single mother" benefits. I think unfortunately that i'm probably just outside the dollar figure of getting any assistance whatsoever so it's probably going to be a waste of time, but I may aswell see what they say.
My weight is staying the same at the moment, i'm not too worried about it. Once we're into a better routine i'll start counting points again and get on that treadmill and work off some of this excess.
DS and I will be doing lots of walking on the beach while we're away, I might even take my pedometer if I can find it and make sure I do 10,000 steps a day.
Anyhoo, that's it for now. I probably won't get much of a chance to use the new blog until I get back from holidays (16th of July) so ..... until then .....
Goodbye and thanks for all the fish .....
We took DS to swimming this morning and dh wanted to start a fight there. Go figure. He says i'm being irrational and immature. PFFFT, whatever.
I'm starting a new blog as of tomorrow. I have a new email account with my stock standard return to the name I was born with (again). I'm sure the people at the RTA are going to think i'm mental.
I will keep checking the email I have now for a little while so that you guys can email me and i'll give you details of the new blog and email. If I have commented on your blogs today then you can link to the new blog and email from my comments (if it's the one without the photo). I'm going to take a new profile photo for my new blog. I haven't made an entry yet, i'm just setting it up ready to use.
The focus of the new blog probably won't be weightloss. It will be about the trials and tribulations of my life, which will include many and varied topics.
It's a sad day today, especially for little DS as he really has no idea of what is happening. I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get organised and into a routine. Although in saying that DS and I are off on holidays this Friday for a week. DH and I had booked a three bedroom waterfront mansion at Port Stephens for a week, we haven't had a holiday for ages and we were really looking forward to it. Now DS and I are going on our own. Then the weekend after that we have Christmas in July in the Blue Mountains with my Mum, her partner, my brother, his wife and their children. So we're pretty busy for the next couple of weeks anyway and all of this should keep our mind off the changes, hopefully.
I have to go and see the Family Assistance Office about a reduction in childcare and all the other "single mother" benefits. I think unfortunately that i'm probably just outside the dollar figure of getting any assistance whatsoever so it's probably going to be a waste of time, but I may aswell see what they say.
My weight is staying the same at the moment, i'm not too worried about it. Once we're into a better routine i'll start counting points again and get on that treadmill and work off some of this excess.
DS and I will be doing lots of walking on the beach while we're away, I might even take my pedometer if I can find it and make sure I do 10,000 steps a day.
Anyhoo, that's it for now. I probably won't get much of a chance to use the new blog until I get back from holidays (16th of July) so ..... until then .....
Goodbye and thanks for all the fish .....
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