bad thing number one:
dh bought DS a bike, he had to put it together himself. He didn't. I did. No surprises there. I was trying to put the brakes together and dh said he knew how to do it, so I scoffed and eventually let him try. The next day the brake line fell off the bike. I have now taken the bike to a bike shop to get fixed. Fuck knows how much it will cost me.
bad thing number two:
the doctor today told me I had to take it easy for the next week. How do I do that? I have a 3 year old and a filthy house. There will be no taking it easy. What do I hear you say - ask dh to help? ha ha ha ha ha - you are SO funny. I didn't even bother telling him what the doctor said, he's been so selfish lately he wouldn't care anyway.
bad thing number three:
I can't stop eating. I was supposed to start being good today and yet every 5 minutes I find myself standing at the fridge or the cupboard looking for something to eat. I need to stop - NOW!
bad thing number four:
one of the fish died today, well he wasn't actually dead but he was lying on his side having trouble breathing or gilling or whatever it's called. I had to dispose of it. I cried my eyes out. Thank god DS can't count yet. One down - three to go. Maybe I should just get rid of the damn fish tank.
good thing number one:
DS and I had the best day. Even though he was at daycare for most of it. He loved all the new stuff I bought him today. We had pasta for dinner and he ate all of it without a fight. I haven't yelled at him once. He got bathed and into his brand new spiderman jammies with no arguments and much peace in the household. There is no stress in the house tonight.
dh rang up and spoke to DS for a little while and I think DS is finally realising that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He was talking about "daddy living in another house". I'm sure that this will be a better life for him in the long run. As Dr Phil says: Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.
I'm starting to feel a slight positiveness about this whole thing.
good thing number two:
I've decided to go to the movies tomorrow on my own. I've NEVER done this before. I hate doing stuff on my own. I've made the decision to go to the 9.30am session and i'm not changing my mind for anything. I can do this. I'm 40 years old and I don't care what people think anymore. I'm sure plenty of other people go on their own. I guess the hardest part will be when something incredible happens in the movie and I want to turn around and share a look of shock or wonder and there will be no-one there to share it with. I'll let you know how that goes.
good thing number three:
I have booked in to see a psychic tomorrow. This is the psychic that dh saw a few months ago who told dh that him and I were soul mates (what-EVER!!). It will be very interesting to hear what her take is on my side of the story. Obviously I am not telling her my surname or that i'm dh's wife. I told her my first name but dh saw her ages ago so I don't think she would put two and two together. Maybe I should have given a fake name? Yikes I didn't think of that. Anyway i'll update on how that goes tomorrow.
good thing number four:
The fish thing, even though I wanted to ring dh and tell him about it or text him and let him know what happened, I didn't. I was brave and I dealt with it by myself. I don't need dh in my life to help me with anything and if we do decide to separate permanently (he is currently living elsewhere for three months - 3 weeks of which has passed already) then I need to prove to myself that I can cope on my own. I know I can do it - i'm a very strong person - I just need to prove it to myself and today was a victory for me. Albeit a small one.
Sum up:
So all in all a pretty even day bad/good wise. Hopefully the days will start turning more positive and less negative. I didn't have time to get on the treadmill today, but i'm hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon after the psychic visit and before dh comes over to drop DS off from picking him up at daycare. I also want to put a colour in my hair. I bought dark brown again. I thought about getting all my hair chopped off but I would regret it, so i'll just colour it instead.
My progress
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4 comments:
At least getting the bike done at the bike shop you have the peace of mind that its all okay - you don't want any more accidents.
Is there someone you can ask for some help this week? If I lived nearby, I'd pop over and make you dinner or something. I'm sure if you ask for the help, people will be happy to be there for you.
Going to the movies on your own rocks. Heaps of people do it and when you think about it, it's stupid to worry about being with someone - it's not like you're going to be chatting to them. I reckon it's much easier than trying to go with friends and organising times when you can all get together. Are you seeing HP? It's good. I've been to see bands on my own and used to feel really self conscious but when you look around heaps of people are there on their own. Why miss out just because your friends aren't interested.
Good luck with the psychic. There is no way they will remember, they'd see heaps of people. But if she said that to him then why are are you going to her? Find a better pyschic.
You can take it easy mate, the housework CAN wait! Try not to comfort eat, I know it's easier said than done, but you don't really want to get FAT again do ya? Fish die, don't go feeling like it's "just another bad thing happening to you" cos its a normal thing to happen... you are just hyper sensitive at the moment. Kids are so adaptable, its going to be easy for your son to adjust to the changes with his Dad living elsewhere... and as you say, it is better that than him living in a war zone at home. too many people stay in bad marriages "for the kids sake"... I say stuff that! You are not doing them any favours stuffing up your own life for them! You do what it best for YOU too! And If I had the money to spare I would jump on a plane right NOW and come visit you and go to the movies too.... I REALLY WOULD .... cos I think you are just lovely and you deserve so much more than what's happening right now..... don't you have anyone to ask to go with you? A friend, family member? Neighbour?
Bugger, forgot to say Pychics... I don't believe in em.... crock of shit and all that! I went to one years ago, and NOT ONE THING she said would happen did, and she got so many facts wrong it was pathetic! Maybe I went to the wrong one? Anyway, if you believe... good for you, hope you hear what you want to hear. But remember, you are in charge of your own destiny ... only you can make the choices you do, don't be 'told' what to do by some Psychic eh?
I'm sorry yesterday was so crap!! I hope today is a brighter day.
Enjoy the movies and enjoy your hair-colouring - and while you're at it, shave, exfoliate, moisturise, paint your toenails and go all girly on it, you'll love it!! Don't worry about the darn housework, YOUR HEALTH (mental and physical) is more important right now!!
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