Apologies

Sorry, i'm over at my new blog and i've forgotten to tell most of you. I know that some of you left comments and asked for the new address but I didn't have emails for you or i've had a brain explosion and forgotten to tell you.

If i've missed you - I apologise - could you please email me (via my profile) and i'll get back to you ASAP with the new blog address. Alternately if i've commented on your blog with the name of "B" then you can link to my new blog through that profile.

thanks,
B

I'm going to a ball tomorrow night with everyone from work. All the girls at work have been crash dieting this week to fit into our dresses (yes, me included). It's been so easy cos I haven't been hungry, i've had a brilliant week and so far have lost a bit under 4kg. I know it will all go on as soon as I eat normal food but 'Project ball gown' worked. I've been having shakes for breakfast and lunch, fruit for morning tea, yoghurt for afternoon tea and a WW meal for dinner.

Back to normal healthy eating next week. No more shakes for me!!

I've re-opened my new blog for those who have the address. There will be more info on what's going on over there shortly. My life is just so topsy turvy right now, but i'm getting there, one day at a time. I think a night out tomorrow, dressing up and a few sherbets will do me the world of good.

Just have to remember my mantra: One Champagne, One Water .....

hehe

AWOL

I've been AWOL, sorry. Lot's going on and I have just been being a sad sack really.

My second blood test showed the levels going down (down to 3 now and was 16 at the start of the week). The doctor rang me today. I thought I was okay but after I spoke to her I got all upset again. Bloody hormones.

Our new bed got delivered today. We've chosen the carpet and lino and that should get laid in about three or four weeks. The house will look nicer once this is all done. Now I just have to convince my father to come and paint the loungeroom and kitchen for me in preparation for selling the house.

Counselling with dh on Thursday went well and we're both really happy with the outcome. We've made another appointment for 2 weeks and in the meantime we have 'homework' of having a weekly meeting with forethought about topics we want to discuss.

DS is currently watching Dora the Explorer - he loves it. We went to the video shop and hired it. I also got 'Kenny' and 'Kinky Boots'. Last night dh brought around Rocky Balboa (cheese plus and totally predictable - with all the flash backs they didn't have to do much filming for the new movie! haha) and some other movie I didn't get time to watch with Robert De Niro and Matt Damon maybe? Hmmm - obviously I just wasn't interested. I've been very tired and I now have a dreadful throat/head cold thing. When I wake up in the morning I can't talk for about an hour til my voice gets warmed up.

Today i've done all the washing, swept and hoovered, put the old bed out in the shed and hoovered underneath where the old bed was (dust bunnies plus), put all my clothes away, dusted, put all of DS's toys in the toy room, but haven't cleaned that up yet - it's a poo fight in there, washed the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, folded a heap of towels and linen and put them in the linen cupboard and this afternoon I had a nanna nap on my new bed. It's much higher than the old one and I feel like I need a seatbelt - just joking! But it is higher up.

Couldn't be bothered cooking dinner so DS and I had Red Rooster (DS calls it Cock the Rooster! hehe). I will do my groceries tomorrow so that I can have healthy food in the house for next week. I really need to start eating better and exercising. The treadmill is just collecting dust at the moment in the loungeroom. Come on Chris i'm sure you'll have something to say about that!!! hehehe.

I tried on the ballgown again today and it's a tighter fit than last week, the scales aren't up at all but I haven't been drinking much water, so i'm trying to fix that now. I couldn't even get the zip all the way up. Yikes.

I had a look at the DFO on Friday but they didn't have anything that either:

a) my boobs fit into, or
b) was in my price range

Bummer.

Blood test results

I need to have another blood test on Friday. The doctor said the level has gone down but it's not completely back to normal (which I guess would be zero) yet so they want to check it again.
I've been getting some pretty mean cramping this afternoon so i'm hoping that it's just from overeating or something. I'm still doing the cupboard/fridge stalking thing.

dh is taking DS to daycare tomorrow AND picking him up. I have a work thing tomorrow night, even though i'm on holidays. It's a trivia night with one of our clients so it should be fun. Especially with a few sherberts thrown in for good measure. I haven't seen anyone from work since I lost the baby so it will probably be more difficult for them than it is for me. I don't go back to work til next Monday. I'm not looking forward to it.

I have no idea what to wear. I would like to look fabulous but that could entail some shopping tomorrow - damn i'm SO upset about that! hehe NOT!!

Other than that i'm going to colour my hair tomorrow and maybe curl it in the afternoon. Do a lot of tidying up (oh ok Chris just a LITTLE bit of tidying up- don't want you yelling at me) and maybe treat myself to something nice at the shops. All in all should be a good day!!

I'm hoping for sunshine in the morning so that I can sit out the back and paint my toenails!!

You'll notice i've put my flickr badge back on the blog. I've added the photos from our recent holiday. It was a beautiful house. If anyone wants to check out the website. This place is definitely worth a visit.

www.taylorsbeach.com

Positive step 1 of 3

I went to the movies on my own. This is very brave for me, cos I don't do anything on my own. I hate being alone, it's my worst nightmare.

I'm very proud of myself. This proves to me that I can do things on my own and that I don't need someone else to prop me up. I don't even need to tell anyone else about it, except you guys of course - LMAO!!! :0)

I saw the new Harry Potter movie, it was bloody brilliant. I wouldn't mind seeing it again actually. You always miss heaps the first time you see a movie.

As for the psychic, I know a lot of people don't believe in them, but I do. Apart from this one saying Jason and I were soulmates, she was pretty much on the money with everything else that has happened in our lives lately. I'm interested to hear what she has to say, but i'm keeping an open mind and will take everything with a grain of salt.

Oh and you'll notice i've updated my weight to it's current crapiness. I guess it could be a lot worse, i've only put on 2.2 kilos in the last 6 weeks and considering the pregnancy, the miscarriage and all the emotional eating i've been doing i'd say i've been pretty lucky on the weight front.

More later blogger buddies .....

Three Steps

I got this in an email from Jadey yesterday. It gave me a very strong message. I wanted to put it up here for you to read too but also for me to refer back to:

Three Steps:

If you're headed in a negative direction, getting back on track may seem hopelessly out of reach. Yet by taking just three steps you can completely change your prospects for the better.
Take one positive step, and you'll stop moving backwards. Take a second positive step, and you'll begin moving forward.
Then take the third step in a positive direction, and suddenly you've established real momentum. From that point, each successive positive effort comes more naturally and easily.
No matter how low you may be, at any point you are just three steps away from a whole different outlook. Just three small, positive actions can get you headed solidly in a new, empowering direction.
In addition, taking three positive steps will give you a real sense of commitment. These actions will get you quickly and firmly invested in your own success.
Wherever you are now, you are just three steps away from being well on your way to whatever goal you choose. Now is indeed the best time to act.
-- Ralph Marston

The bad and the good

bad thing number one:

dh bought DS a bike, he had to put it together himself. He didn't. I did. No surprises there. I was trying to put the brakes together and dh said he knew how to do it, so I scoffed and eventually let him try. The next day the brake line fell off the bike. I have now taken the bike to a bike shop to get fixed. Fuck knows how much it will cost me.

bad thing number two:

the doctor today told me I had to take it easy for the next week. How do I do that? I have a 3 year old and a filthy house. There will be no taking it easy. What do I hear you say - ask dh to help? ha ha ha ha ha - you are SO funny. I didn't even bother telling him what the doctor said, he's been so selfish lately he wouldn't care anyway.

bad thing number three:

I can't stop eating. I was supposed to start being good today and yet every 5 minutes I find myself standing at the fridge or the cupboard looking for something to eat. I need to stop - NOW!

bad thing number four:

one of the fish died today, well he wasn't actually dead but he was lying on his side having trouble breathing or gilling or whatever it's called. I had to dispose of it. I cried my eyes out. Thank god DS can't count yet. One down - three to go. Maybe I should just get rid of the damn fish tank.

good thing number one:

DS and I had the best day. Even though he was at daycare for most of it. He loved all the new stuff I bought him today. We had pasta for dinner and he ate all of it without a fight. I haven't yelled at him once. He got bathed and into his brand new spiderman jammies with no arguments and much peace in the household. There is no stress in the house tonight.

dh rang up and spoke to DS for a little while and I think DS is finally realising that Daddy doesn't live here anymore. He was talking about "daddy living in another house". I'm sure that this will be a better life for him in the long run. As Dr Phil says: Better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

I'm starting to feel a slight positiveness about this whole thing.

good thing number two:

I've decided to go to the movies tomorrow on my own. I've NEVER done this before. I hate doing stuff on my own. I've made the decision to go to the 9.30am session and i'm not changing my mind for anything. I can do this. I'm 40 years old and I don't care what people think anymore. I'm sure plenty of other people go on their own. I guess the hardest part will be when something incredible happens in the movie and I want to turn around and share a look of shock or wonder and there will be no-one there to share it with. I'll let you know how that goes.

good thing number three:

I have booked in to see a psychic tomorrow. This is the psychic that dh saw a few months ago who told dh that him and I were soul mates (what-EVER!!). It will be very interesting to hear what her take is on my side of the story. Obviously I am not telling her my surname or that i'm dh's wife. I told her my first name but dh saw her ages ago so I don't think she would put two and two together. Maybe I should have given a fake name? Yikes I didn't think of that. Anyway i'll update on how that goes tomorrow.

good thing number four:

The fish thing, even though I wanted to ring dh and tell him about it or text him and let him know what happened, I didn't. I was brave and I dealt with it by myself. I don't need dh in my life to help me with anything and if we do decide to separate permanently (he is currently living elsewhere for three months - 3 weeks of which has passed already) then I need to prove to myself that I can cope on my own. I know I can do it - i'm a very strong person - I just need to prove it to myself and today was a victory for me. Albeit a small one.

Sum up:

So all in all a pretty even day bad/good wise. Hopefully the days will start turning more positive and less negative. I didn't have time to get on the treadmill today, but i'm hoping to do that tomorrow afternoon after the psychic visit and before dh comes over to drop DS off from picking him up at daycare. I also want to put a colour in my hair. I bought dark brown again. I thought about getting all my hair chopped off but I would regret it, so i'll just colour it instead.

Update

I went to the doctor today. I made the appointment a few weeks ago as I needed to get a referral to my Ob/Gyn. Obviously I don't need that since the miscarriage but I wanted to go and see the doc and make sure everything is ok. She sent me for a blood test to get the HCG level measured and make sure it was going down. If the bleeding doesn't slow down soon or I get any worse pain then I need to go and have an ultrasound, but we're leaving that for now.

I get the results of the blood test tomorrow.

The lady who did my blood test was very obviously pregnant and it made me cry all over again. There are pregnant women everywhere I look. I know it's not any of their fault, but it still makes me sad. I'm sure that's difficult for people who haven't miscarried to understand. The hurt lasts for a long time.

Anyhoo, I took Kathryn's advice and went and partook (is that a word?? hehe) in some retail therapy. Mostly I bought stuff for the "small and very cute one" but I got myself a red fleecy jacket cos i've been freezing my arse off cos I only have a navy blue fleecy with a hood and it's not always appropriate to wear navy (ie - with black - navy and black are a 'no-go' zone - same as denim and denim). Yes, I'm a representative of the Fashion Police incase anyone was wondering. There's nothing I enjoy more than going to a shopping centre, sitting down with a large skinny cap and checking out the public and what they're wearing for a lazy 30 mins or so.

dh and I were supposed to go and see the next Harry Potter movie today, but he disappointed me once again (that's been happening a lot in the last few days - long story), so I guess I might go and see it on my own tomorrow. He has his first session of counselling tomorrow on his own and then we have an appointment together on Thursday.

The pregnancy changed how I was thinking about our relationship but now that i've lost the baby i've really gone back to how I was thinking before, especially since dh is continually proving that I can't count on him for support and that poor little DS can't count on him either.

Anyway, i'm trying to keep an open mind until after the joint counselling on Thursday, until then I have plenty of housework to keep me busy.

More stuff that pisses me off .....

More stuff that pisses me off .....

People who say umb-a-rella - are they Homer Simpsonising - no cos I guess that would make it umba-ma-rella??

People who say 'your' when they mean 'you're' - this one REALLY annoys me. Example:
Your so funny.

Wrong people, so wrong.

What reminded me of this was a song on the radio - Under my Umb-a-rella - it's SO annoying - I had to turn the radio off.

I don't know who sings the song, or why she sings 'umb-a-rella' instead of umbrella - but it shits me to tears.

Other words that people mispronounce that annoy me:

Pasgetti (spaghetti)
Skellington (skeleton)
Brought (bought) example: I brought a new shirt at the market today.

Another thing that really annoys me is this new text language.

"U R Gr8. Do u wanna C me 2moz?"

I'm a bit of a grammar nazi and I just can't cope with the text lingo. How do you feel about it?

My new kick arse personal trainer

My new kick arse personal trainer is me - ( I can't afford a real one) and since I can't get to the gym anymore, this is how i'm going to spend time exercising:

I have a ball to go to on 28 July and a friend gave me a couple of dresses to try on. They are both way too small and look disgusting. I have two weeks to make them look better, much better.

Project "Drop a dress size" starts tomorrow..... I will take before and after shots but i'm not publishing them til I get results!

Decisions

How do you make life changing decisions in your world?

Do you make a list?

Do you 'weigh up' the pros and cons?

Do you ask for advice from family and friends?

Are you a glass half empty or glass half full person?

Do you have one person in your life who you consult or do you have many?

Tell me all .....

A new day

My little DS nearly came to grief in the bathroom last night when the cabinet he was getting the bubble bath out of collapsed on him and all the glass candles and bottles fell and crashed into a million pieces around him.

I was so scared when it happened. I saw it all in slow motion but I couldn't stop it. I picked him up and got him out of the way just in time for the cabinet to crash into my shoulder and not get him at all.

He's a very lucky little man.

My candles and bottles aren't in very good shape though. The ones that survived (not many) are now on the window ledge from which they cannot fall.

As if I don't have enough do deal with in my life right now. This is just one more thing to add to the list of things that have pissed me off this week.

I guess blogging this isn't really the way I want to tell people but for now it's all I can bring myself to do.

I lost my baby last night. Words can't even express how sad i'm feeling right now and 'very sad' sure doesn't cut it.

I know this means that it wasn't meant to be and that it's for the best, believe me, us people who have had miscarriages before know all the lines, but I can't for the life of me work out why - after everything i've been through this year - fate or mother nature or "god" for those of you who believe in that being - would give me such a fantastic gift and then in a few short weeks, or what actually seems like the blink of an eye - take it away and leave me sadder and feeling more alone in this world than I have ever felt.

I know it was only early days and i'm certainly not trying to detract from anyone who has had or is currently going through any other form of miscarriage or still birth or loss of a child. All children are important in this world and each equally so. But this is my blog and this is about me, so i'm sharing how i'm feeling right now.

I can't think, I can't look to the future, I am numb. Today I can only grieve and try to block out all the nasty stuff that's happening in my life right now.

The last post

So, dh is moving out today. He's house sitting with a mate of his for about 3 months. This is good because it means we can work out what we're doing with the house before then. I'm pretty sure at this stage we'll be selling before Christmas even though dh is saying he doesn't want to do that. I just don't feel that I can rely on him to pay his share of the bills and mortgage. He has never been reliable and even though he says he will be now, going on past experience I can't trust anything he says. This is not just because we're separating but from 10 years of experience and knowing how he thinks.

We took DS to swimming this morning and dh wanted to start a fight there. Go figure. He says i'm being irrational and immature. PFFFT, whatever.

I'm starting a new blog as of tomorrow. I have a new email account with my stock standard return to the name I was born with (again). I'm sure the people at the RTA are going to think i'm mental.

I will keep checking the email I have now for a little while so that you guys can email me and i'll give you details of the new blog and email. If I have commented on your blogs today then you can link to the new blog and email from my comments (if it's the one without the photo). I'm going to take a new profile photo for my new blog. I haven't made an entry yet, i'm just setting it up ready to use.

The focus of the new blog probably won't be weightloss. It will be about the trials and tribulations of my life, which will include many and varied topics.

It's a sad day today, especially for little DS as he really has no idea of what is happening. I am excited about my new life and can't wait to get organised and into a routine. Although in saying that DS and I are off on holidays this Friday for a week. DH and I had booked a three bedroom waterfront mansion at Port Stephens for a week, we haven't had a holiday for ages and we were really looking forward to it. Now DS and I are going on our own. Then the weekend after that we have Christmas in July in the Blue Mountains with my Mum, her partner, my brother, his wife and their children. So we're pretty busy for the next couple of weeks anyway and all of this should keep our mind off the changes, hopefully.

I have to go and see the Family Assistance Office about a reduction in childcare and all the other "single mother" benefits. I think unfortunately that i'm probably just outside the dollar figure of getting any assistance whatsoever so it's probably going to be a waste of time, but I may aswell see what they say.

My weight is staying the same at the moment, i'm not too worried about it. Once we're into a better routine i'll start counting points again and get on that treadmill and work off some of this excess.

DS and I will be doing lots of walking on the beach while we're away, I might even take my pedometer if I can find it and make sure I do 10,000 steps a day.

Anyhoo, that's it for now. I probably won't get much of a chance to use the new blog until I get back from holidays (16th of July) so ..... until then .....

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish .....

Question

I feel like spoiling myself and doing something just for me.

The options are:

1. Get a tattoo.

2. Cut my hair off.

3. Have my belly button re-pierced.

Which option would you choose, and why?

There was never any doubt in my mind!!

Update

DH isn't moving yet. We need to make some decisions about what we're doing with the house. We're going to try and keep it, it may mean that he pays half of the mortgage but I have to pay half of his rent. Anyway, that option is cheaper than me paying the whole mortgage and it means I don't have to move. Then in a few years when we have some equity in the house we can split the profits or whatever. We haven't really worked out the nitty gritty details yet. I am still really busy at work and DH and I haven't had time to sit down and properly nut it all out. Right now we're just living in separate rooms but everything else is pretty much staying the same.
On the weight front I have maintained my lowest weight this year and weighed in this morning at 75.8. I can't believe after three weeks of not going to the gym and eating crap for every meal that I have actually maintained my lowest 2007 weight. Maybe it's the stress, maybe it's all the running up and down stairs I do at work. Maybe it's the fact that I don't have time to eat much (but when I do eat it's takeaway). I have started taking WW meals to work again so that I don't get tempted by the takeaway orders everyone else is putting in. I felt very righteous on Friday eating my canneloni when everyone else was having chicken schnitzel burgers with cheese bacon and sour cream!! I did have one Tim Tam though.
My Mum gave me a walking machine so I really want to set that up and start using it. I can't get to the gym at all (I have put my membership on hold but will try and cancel it next month) so I need to have something I can do at home now.
I don't think i'm going to make my goal of being in the 60's by the end of July but I should hopefully have conquered my 74.9 goal and well on my way to 72 kilos which will be 25 kilos lost, which is my next goal.
I'm not working this weekend and DH is going to a mate's house tonight, so DS and I have all weekend to ourselves. I really need to tidy the house up but i'm just feeling very drained and lazy, maybe i'll get into it tomorrow. Right now i'm still in my jammies just enjoying some time with DS (well not RIGHT now, cos RIGHT now i'm on the computer, but you know what I mean!!).
I need to venture out to the shops later to get some groceries cos i've got the Old Mother Hubbard thing going on in there.
At least the rain has eased up, maybe my swamp of a garden will get a chance to dry out soon.

A tough post

This is a tough post to write. Work has been very difficult for over a week now, claims are coming in like there's no tomorrow. We had more claims come in last week than we normally get in a year. I'm working very long hours, i'm stressed, tired and worn out. I gave myself a day off today because if I didn't I would be going into meltdown.

Apart from the nightmare i'm having at work dh and I have decided to separate. This is not a decision I have made lightly and long term readers of my blog will know that things have been far from perfect for a long time. He will be gone by tomorrow, i'm not sure where he's going or even what i'll be doing - I have so much on my plate right now and this is really bad timing, but in saying that I have thought about this from every angle and I have thought long and hard about the implications and have come to the conclusion that the only person that I can rely on is me, and that's how it has to be. I can give my son a good life - I get paid fairly well for what I do - although a payrise wouldn't go astray - and I won't stop dh from seeing DS but I don't know what i'll do when he's not around, my child is the absolute love of my life and I will be very lost without him. I'm hoping that won't happen too often as dh works most weekends and isn't able to travel all the way to the daycare that DS goes to everyday.

dh wants shared care but i'm not happy about that, I don't want to fight with him, I guess I just want him to agree to doing everything my way, which I realise is selfish but that's just how i'm feeling right now.

I probably won't be blogging for a while, I may even start a new blog for my new life as a single parent. Who knows. I haven't been commenting on or reading your blogs as when I get home I have to sort out my gorgeous little ds and i'm way too tired to get on the computer and I have no spare time at work right now.

So that's whats happening right now. As sad as it is, I think a new chapter in my life has just begun and i'm feeling eerily relieved. Like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I've given dh so many chances in the past and he's really blown it this time. I can't go around the same track again, I have to change direction and look after myself and my beautiful son.

I'm scared, i'm lonely and i'm very sad, but I have hope for the future and a happier life for all of us.

Ciao ...

A quickie

Off to bed, just got home from work. We are having horrific storms at the moment. Click here for info. Worked 9am til midnight on Friday, 7am til 9pm on Saturday, 6,30am til 8pm tonight. Shipped little DS off to Nanna's (2 hours north of here) so that I could go to work plus we have had no power for 3 days (it's back on just now). Just as well cos I was out of clean clothes and I was considering wearing a ball gown to work tomorrow cos it was just about all I had left in the cupboard (just kidding, sort of...... haha).

For those who don't know I work in the Insurance Industry for a firm of Loss Adjusters so we're very very busy and it doesn't look like easing up anytime soon, actually it will probably get a LOT worse before it gets better.

Needless to say my eating has been crap (whatever the bosses wife brings in for us to eat at the office) plus i've been having a couple of drinks every night to relax, plus no time for exercise. Hopefully i'll get back to the gym in about a week or so, everything crossed!

In the meantime, i'm gobsmacked that we have so much water going to waste when there are people out there who really could do with all this rain. In one suburb west of here there was 10 inches of rain in ONE night?!?!?! WTF?

One of our dams (Grahamstown Dam) has risen by half a metre, most dams and rivers are full to overflowing. Seems so sad when there are people out there who would give anything for a drop of rain.

This Newcastle storm has been declared a natural disaster and the worst storm in 100 years, some are saving "ever". There are many people who have had to leave their homes. The worst story I have heard so far is a family in my suburb who have a two storey home. They had to be rescued by BOAT and to get into the boat they had to walk off their first storey balcony into the water - that's how much water is around at the moment. Ridiculous huh?

Plus there is a coal loader ship which has come adrift from its anchor and been grounded on Nobbys beach - right on the beach.

More links here, here and here.

I will blog again when I can. In the meantime I will spare a thought for people who have lost their lives and their homes in this awful time and remember just how lucky I am.

Sick

DS and I have a very very bad stomach virus/bug thing. We are so very sick. We've had no sleep and are continually running to the loo. I doubt there will be any weight loss this week, I can't even keep water down. Actually i'm too scared to even have a drink of water.
No gym either.
Bummer, just when I was doing so well.

Speaks for itself really ...

Today's weight: 75.9

Woohoo

4 months of no smoking. Go me. I'm exstatic about that, even though i'm a little unhappy about other areas of my life. Now I need to work on the other areas.

Yesterday I had an improvised diet day. I had cereal for breakfast and forgot to take my lunch to work. We had a lunchtime meeting so I had 3/4 of a turkish bread with fetta, spinach and pumpkin. For dinner we had KFC. OOPS!!!! I didn't have any snacks or fruit and I only had about 600ml of water.

I really need to get back on track but i'm just so tired. I have no energy whatsoever. DS is waking up every night coughing and he's got a very bad cold. DH has a bad cold too and is snoring more than normal. I'm still going to the gym every day but it's hard to eat properly when you're tired. I really need to make the effort though cos I don't want all this hard work going to waste. I will do the groceries tonight. In the meantime i'm doing the best that I can.

yikes

Really bad day today, my eating has been shite and all over the place (even had hot chips for lunch) -SO stupid. I'm making a lamb roast (healthy version) for dinner and back onto the diet tomorrow. I went and visited my best friend today. She had a baby 9 weeks ago and i've only seen her once for 10 mins in the hospital. I realise how much I miss her and even though we're both very busy I really need to make more of an effort to go and see her.
I may be getting TOM again (this will be the third time in 4 weeks) as i'm feeling very emotional and could just burst into tears at any second.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a MUCH better day.

I love Saturdays.

Weight today 76.8 - so back to the same as last week. This diet has us on 1600 cals a day so they said to expect a gain or a stay the same on this level of calories. So the next 4 weeks should show losses of 0.5 to 1kg a week. My goal was to get back to 74.9 during this challenge so I have 1.9 to go and we have another 4 weeks, this means a loss of 500gm a week and I can make it!!

I should probably stop drinking the Cosmopolitans!!!

TFIF

My week:

Monday - severe case of Mondayitis. Weight up from eating so much - they said this would happen. Crap day.

Tuesday - appointment with the D&A counsellor (for DH) - then went to Spotlight and bought some wool. Good day.

Wednesday - had to go and set up a typist who is going to do work for us from home. Long day. Started off miserably when an officer of the constabulary pulled me aside for exceeding the speed limit. D'oh!! - shit day.

Thursday - Had to chase outstanding accounts. Spent half a day at the damn fax machine. Hate that. Another crap day. Bonus was that I got to buy myself a new toy. See if you can spot the difference in the photos below:

Friday: Had to do updates for Brokers on all our files. Haven't done this for about six months and it was a huge task but I got it just about finished and i'm very proud of myself. Now i'm rewarding myself with a few of these:

All in all a pretty good day!!!!!

Quick update

So, a quick update - we went to Sydney and met Chris and Stew - brilliant people. So friendly, and obviously happy to meet strange people!! It was a joy to spend time with them and we wished that we could have stayed longer. We hope that when they come back they will come and stay with us and we'll be able to get to know them even better.

The kids are lovely and very open to visitors too. Griffin and Brylee ended up using Jason as a human trampoline and they loved it. They were laughing there little heads off. Very very cute.

Griffen gave me two of his much loved Spiderman stickers and even gave me a drawing to bring home and pin on the fridge. I will post some photos when I get home tonight. I have so much to do and so little time at the moment.

CKK arrived just as we were about to leave which was sad, cos I would have loved to have stayed and had a longer chat with Chris and gotten to know CKK in person aswell. We will have to organise a Sydney Bloggers Meet so that we can catch up.

I had a semi-naughty day of eating yesterday but i'm back on track now. I went shopping with my Mum on Saturday and she bought me some new shoes (pictures to follow also) and then we went to Ikea yesterday (I love that place) and I bought some new cocktail glasses and made Cosmopolitans last night - yummo. They were a bit strong so I only had two but very very yummy!!

I didn't take any photos of Sydney cos we didn't quite make it to anywhere that was photo-worthy. I promise i'll take some next time I visit (in about a month) and post them for you all to look at.

Went to the gym this morning and I really struggled. I didn't sleep very well at Mums so I think i'm just tired. Have had TOM twice in three weeks though and that may have something to do with it. Not sure what's going on there.

Here is a photo of the small and very cute one, and the big one who is shrinking, at the park near my Mums house.

Sydney

I'm off to Sydney today. We are going to stay with my Mum but as a huge bonus i'm meeting Chris this afternoon. She is a cack, I love her honesty and 'no BS' style and she is an amazing lady who has kicked arse at this weight loss thing and has such a busy life. She proves that you can be busy as hell and still go to the gym and spend some time on yourself aswell.
I can't wait to meet her. I spoke to her on the phone last night and got a shock cos I forgot she would have an accent. I'm such a Chazza sometimes!! LOL.

... and on that note I must go and pack the camera, i'd hate to forget it. I will take some photos of Sydney for my overseas readers!

Weight this morning 76.8kg (168 pounds). That's a loss of 0.4 (nearly a pound) this week and 4.5 (10 pounds) in two weeks (start of the 6 week challenge). Very happy Jan!!

Update on the new eating plan.....

With this "6 week solution" diet we have a meeting every Monday night, i'm not learning anything new except that the lady running the show isn't able to answer many of the questions brought up by the group. We paid $99 for this so I would have thought they would be a bit more knowledgeable!! I already had the book so I could have done this on my own really, but I thought they would help us with more than "I don't know" answers. Anyway, I digress (no surprises there really!!).

This week we have gone up to 1600 cals a day (last week was 1200 cals a day) and so they've told us to excpect a weight gain...... bummer ..... just when I was doing so well.

Once again i'm feeling like this is too much food for me. I'll show you what i'm eating for an example.

Breakfast
1 x multigrain toast
2 tbspns grated mozerella
85 g ham
1 cup skim milk
1 x 200g diet yoghurt
4 x strawberries

Morning tea
1 cup grated carrot
95g tin tuna (I had salmon cos I hate tuna, but I did eat it last week *gag*)

Lunch
3 cups mixed greens
175 g ham
2 cooked egg whites
1 tbspn skim milk fetta
free salad dressing
1 cup capsicum

Afternoon tea
1 cup cottage cheese
1/2 cup rockmelon

Dinner
150g diet mince
1/2 cup canned tomato
1/2 cup kidney beans
1/2 cup grated carrot
1 small onion
1/2 cup wholemeal pasta cooked

This food really really fills you up. I guess cos it's a lot of protein. I have only just finished my morning tea so I probably won't be eating my lunch until 3pm and then I have to fit in afternoon tea AND dinner!!

At least i'm not snacking when I get home in the afternoons this way, cos I usually have afternoon tea just before I go home, or sometimes when I get home. It's just such a struggle to eat all this food - and I thought I was a pig who could eat anything! LOL.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mums out there.

I have been especially good today and even though I haven't exercised today, my eating has been perfect so far. Although there is a Curly Wurly in the fridge that i've been saving for Mothers Day but I don't feel like it and I think I might get through today without touching it!

Yesterday I had a small indulgence though, a couple of glasses of the low joule champagne and half a McFlurry. Not too bad, could have been way worse.

This morning on the scales I was 77.4 so that low number is hanging around (not that i'm asking it to go away unless it wants to be replaced with an even lower number of course! haha).

I think I have to weigh in tomorrow at the gym so we'll see what kind of result I get there. Last time I weighed in there I was 79 so they didn't record that huge spike I had to 81.3 last week, pity cos I could have blitzed the damn competition for the first week with such a humungous loss!! hehe

Everything crossed that Bodie and TJ get voted out of the BB house tonight, i'm so over their immaturity and ridiculousness. Did you know that they had sex in the house??? Dirty little things!! I just found out today from reading some BB blogs/forums etc.

Freaky alien scales.

Ok so on Monday morning (remember TOM was here) I was 81.3 on the scales - if you're not sitting down you better do so - this morning I was 77.2. Yep, 77.2 .....

81.3 -

77.2

4.1

I think my scales are playing a trick on me. Nobody loses 4 kilos in five days - do they?
Either that or this is the best damned diet i've ever been on in my whole entire life.

Pink Rocks and I heart her !!!

Pink was awesome. If you have the chance to go and see her, make sure you go, she is an amazing, gorgeous, brilliant singer and is vibrant, funny and an honest person who stands up for what she believes in. I would definitely recommend that you go and see her if you can.

If I could afford it I would be going again tonight and on the 21st when she comes back.

She has the most awesome body - it made me work harder at the gym this morning!! Not that I will EVER EVER look that good. The costume changes were fabulous, she wears such great stuff and definitely has the body for it. She is HOT.

Back to the real world. This diet is going really well, it's a lot of protein and I am not feeling hungry on it. Infact, i'm struggling to eat everything on the list. Fingers crossed for a big lose this week, I will admit now that on Monday morning when I got on the scales I nearly died. I did have TOM with a vengeance and I think I hadn't had much water all weekend but the scales said 81.3 - WTF?????????? Awful, awful, awful.

This morning they said 78.4 - so thank god a bit more realistic and even showing a loss already. I have a monster headache and i'm sure that's caffeine withdrawal, not allowed any coffee, coke zero or diet coke on this diet - water or tea is it.

I'm currently eating my snack for the morning - 2 stalks of celery, 1 tblsp sultanas and 2 tblsp of 5% philly cheese. I thought it would be awful but it's actually quite nice. I'm not a fan of raw celery but it's crunchy and apparently negative calories and that has to be a good thing!

Later dudes ...

Update

OK a few things to tell you. Firstly, i'm sick (again/still) of being fat. I went to the gym 5 times last week - FIVE TIMES - can you believe it? I'm so proud of myself. I just wish my weight would move, more on that soon.

I promised pictures, I love seeing other people's - so here's a few for you.

The cane storage shelf thingies I bought ages ago for a bargain, to store things, of course there's nothing in them yet, but they look good!!

Next, my poor kitchen floor with no lino on it, and no kickboards. This will be fixed shortly, we're also getting new carpet, I can't wait. I don't like the dodgy grey "rental quality" carpet that we have now.

The bathroom cupboard that DS and I made together. This house doesn't have much storage and I think it looks pretty neat. Please, no comments about my filthy shower, i'm cleaning it tomorrow!!

My little DS, asleep in his cousin's bed (they are visiting just now). It seems i'm always putting pics on here of him sleeping. I had a request for a picture of him throwing a tantrum - i'll see what I can do!! haha

And finally, this is what the scales are saying at the moment. Hopefully by the end of this week, after i've been on Phase I of the "super six week solution" diet - i'll have a number which is lower!!

That's about it for now, I'm going to cook a lamb roast for my sister, her husband and her two gorgeous little kiddie winkles (DS's cousins). I will try and get some more photos and update tomorrow, which I will call "the heaviest day" cos it's all downhill from here!!

Who's a lucky girl then?????

Guess who else i'm going to see????? NEXT WEEK!!!

PINK

Another week with no weight loss.

Not sure what i'm doing wrong. Well, actually I kind of know.

I "only" went to the gym three times last week. Not so long ago going to the gym three times in one week would have been an outstanding effort, now i'm upset with myself cos I wussed out on Thurday with a sore throat and sinus (it was pretty bad) and I couldn't be bothered dragging my sorry arse out of bed.

My weight is the same as it was at my first official Curves weigh in (79). It goes down and nearly gets to 78 neat and then jumps back up again. I'm not sure why, except that i'm struggling to drink water at the moment (oh okay and my eating has slipped a bit).

I need to pull my finger out and get skinnier otherwise somebody in blog land is getting my Gwen Stefani ticket!!! (** see disclaimer below).

So, today is THREE MONTHS since I gave up smoking. Who would have thunk it! It's been quite easy this time. I guess cos I really wanted to, so even if I haven't lost any weight yet (but I will) i'm pretty happy with maintaining while all that has been going on. Yay me (* gives self pat on back *).

So, some recent photos, for those who are interested:


We've been building block cities. I build one every night (sometimes DH does it) and DS knocks it down on the morning. He loves it!!

This is my little ray of sunshine at a Maccas Birthday party today (about 10 minutes before he cracked the shits and I had to drag his scrawny little butt out of there and take him home, cos he decided to have a tantrum). He looks so angelic but believe me, it's all a put on!! If I had an extra hand I would have taken a photo of him when I was trying to force him into his car seat. He was doing that stiff body thing that 2 year olds love to do so much, whilst trying to scratch my eyes out and kick every part of my body at once. That would have been a good photo for his 21st album!!

Anyhoo, at Curves they have what they call a "6 week solution" programme which is about weight loss. It starts on Monday 7th and goes for 7 weeks (I know that doesn't make sense but who am I to question their intelligence!!). The first night is an information session. It costs $99 over and above what I already pay but it's cheaper than WW. I just feel like I need some supervision at the moment and any help is good help. In the brochure it says "you'll learn a safe and effective weight management programme for life". They track my progress weekly and give me a personal chart. It can't hurt I guess. I always apply WW points principals to meals anyway and although i'm not eating too much of the wrong thing I could do with some strict guidelines for a while to kick start my weight loss again. Oh and i've been having issues with portion sizes lately too, going to the gym just makes me so hungry.

Has anyone out there done this programme? I would love to hear your thoughts.

The only other news from my world is that we had a bit of drama at home recently. I came home from work a few weeks ago and the house was flooded. We put in a claim and we are lucky enough to be getting some of the damaged contents replaced. Thank goodness for Insurance. I don't understand why some people just don't bother with it.

Okay, I had better go and tidy up a bit. Hope you're all having a great week. Hopefully my good work at the gym will pay off soon and a whole heap of weight will drop off me!! I'm so sick of feeling fat.

** I probably won't really give away my ticket, but i'm trying to trick myself into losing weight so that I don't have to!! hahaha

No surprises here really ... (thanks Wanna)

You Are 80% Control Freak

You are a pretty major control freak, though you may not know it.While your confidence is inspiring, your bossy ways tend to scare people off.

Are You A Control Freak?

At last.....

I have my home computer back up and running again. Look out cos that means i'll be checking up on you all over the coming week!!

Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

The Polar F11 - not much change from $300 so it better be worth it. I think i'll have to get a pilot's licence to figure out how to work the damn thing. If anybody out there knows stuff about them, please help me!